Pay Attention

I'll start off this post by saying that this story has a happy ending. I am personally the kind of person who needs to know these things when stories go down a dark path, so I'll do you a favor, even if you're not the same.

New Year's eve and day events hold an unnerving portent for the year to come for the superstitious amongst us. I'd like to claim that I am of a rational, cynical nature, but clearly I lean toward the earnest and spiritual, and well, superstitious. (I think I resist this because I am drawn to the opposite kind of person, but so the saying goes.) So it was especially devastating when we discovered that our beloved 5 year old beagle, Linus, was nowhere to be found at 3am, January 1, 2009.

We had hosted a particularly epic New Year's Eve party. I say epic not because it was so amazingly fabulous for our guests, but for us it was because we hadn't hosted a party for partying's sake in over four years, we've been feeling very domestic and thirty-something and this truly wasn't either of those things, our two year old was safely out of the house, I was fitting into 13 year old clothes, and magically no one got into a conflict and the energy was great. These are all things parents of young children need to experience. It ended a year of heavy events that are obvious to all.

Sitting down to recap with our friends who had stayed because they were too drunk to drive (although wasn't that everyone?) we noticed our little buddy was no where to be found. We did the usual routine of calling, but he didn't come running. A lightbulb: the fireworks we shot off at midnight (we live in New Mexico) had scared the poor bastard off through his invisible fence. After an hour of searching the perimeter of our home, we gave up in exhaustion, only to rise with the sun and start again. We canvased the neighborhood, posting those horrible signs with a pathetically adorable animal under the header LOST. Our torment and self-hatred grew by the second. We slept an hour after our sleep-deprivation grew dangerous. We picked up our child who blissfully didn't seem to connect the dots. When we got home, she would occasionally, bizarrely, squeal with delight "He's home!" and run to the door. Call it two year old wish fulfillment. All day I called animal control, the police department, the shelter, all who communicated to me that animal services of all kinds were closed for the holiday.

By the next morning, my grief was as palpable and painful as when I lost my father and then my first dog a month later. Only it felt worse in some ways because I felt so deeply responsible. I found a service on-line which I cannot recommend more highly: www.findtoto.com. They'll call 500 people in a radius around your house for $125. Our friends & neighbors received the calls, which were of some comfort. Then, we were released from our suffering at 9AM when the animal shelter called to say they had our Linus in custody.

How does this fall under the advice header, or the parental header? Because of the moral of the story. Before the party, I had a thought: we should have Linus spend the night with our toddler at the grandparents house as well. I brushed the thought aside, thinking of all the parties I'd been to with wandering dogs and content with the knowledge that our dog never roams. You can imagine that tape replaying in my head for the 36 hours he was missing. And I think of all the small accidents with my child...that cabinet door is open, but can a 7 month old really pull that glass pan down on her foot? Well, yes. The 9 month old is cruising really well on that flagstone step, should I move closer in case she falls? Well, yes, and my that's a nice shiner she's got there. Those are small accidents. But you know the larger ones have that grain of a thought, a moment of "could that really happen?" Of course it could. Hear that voice, pay attention, ACT on it however small or irrational it may seem. I recently woke up with a momentary panic regarding all the hair elastics my two year old owns with those ceramic baubles at the end. As soon as I was awake, they were all stored safely away for when I feel she is old enough for them not to present a choking hazard. A long shot? Probably, but if you think it, it could happen. My advice, again: Pay attention. Act. You'll never be sorry.

New Year - Let's Get Posting

Today I found a very interesting new site called Momversation.com It shows videos of conversations between the top "mommy bloggers" from the web on interesting topics. This site is far more fun than reading text. I got sucked in for a good long while. Hope you enjoy.

Common Sense Advice

Don't take library books on vacation.
Arthur's Tooth now has a new home on Delta airlines.

Giving Thanks Daily

A great way to connect with your kids &/or significant other every day: mark the start of dinner with a moment where you all hold hands and express what you are thankful for. 

It's a pretty delightful thing to hear what comes out of my little toddler every night. Typically he's thankful for some form of transportation. 

We've had:

 

- Trucks (the all encompassing category, followed by the question, "Are you thankful for trucks?") This single thing has been on the thankful list for a good 6 months running.

 

More specifically, we've had:  

- Moving Trucks

- Airplanes

- Airplanes that carry moving trucks

Also mentioned with some degree of frequency:

- Generators

- Grandma and Grandpa

- The sun

- and my favorite "you" (directed at me and his dad)

Anyway, this tradition is borne out of my upbringing where we prayed every night - a rote, Catholic chant that we tore through as quickly as possible just to get to the part where my mom would say, "Anyone want to say anything?", which was our open invitation to beg God for something we needed, i.e. my sister to stop touching me or bugging me or telling me what to do.

Now that giving thanks is part of our daily life, it's a really lovely pause in our day. Many, many times it has been the stopping point where I collect my breath, my thoughts and my always forward moving energy to just realize how much I actually have already.

Hot Seat

This week we had some 80 degree days and then some almost snow days (life in New Mexico is bizarre) but the 80 degree days brought up the issue of hot cars and hotter car seats. My daughter's car seat was so hot to the touch, I couldn't put her in it after exiting the grocery store. Then I had an "aha" moment...I took a tub of ice cream and rubbed it all over her seat and voila, no burning bum for my little one.

Going from home out, use anything you can find in the freezer - frozen peas, whatever. I like using one of those cooler blocks of ice, or a gel-pack for injuries, and keeping it in the car in a cooler or cooler bag so you can use it before and after outings.

Sex Talk!

A friend of mine who is a pediatrician recently posted this column on how/when to talk to your kids about sex. I found her advice very helpful and terrifically succinct. Here's the link, if interested:
http://www.brandywinebuzz.com/newsletters/dr-amy050408.html

This came, strangely enough, the night after my son found the head of his penis upon the water draining in the bathtub. As he has a bit of foreskin coverage, this was a foreign thing to him and due to its red nature he thought he was hurt. He called out "Mommy - penis hurt" and he was genuinely scared. The conversation that ensued involved foreskin, penis heads and pee pee... which I thought made for a rather edgy chat with my two year old!

For a mom fix

My sister sent me this link today to Postcards from Yo Momma. it was featured on the very clever Very Short List, website today.

I found myself laughing out loud to some of the posts on there and the hilarious things that moms say to their grown children. It's been a long time since I got a note from my mom, but this little site reminds me how funny and precious moms can be.

Keeping good baby records

True confession is I've not written word one in my son's baby book. I have a cute one, baby book that is. it is on a shelf with stacks of mementos I'm meaning to paste into the book. this is not unlike my honeymoon book that is packed in a box with photos and all kinds of crafty things to be pasted in someday when I take a month long vacation and don't leave home and have paid help around. ahem, like, never.

So, a scrapbooker I am not but I am a damn fast typer. So, here's the good advice of the day - and something I actually do - not just preaching here, friends.

Get your child his/her own email address. Advantages:
a) get a good email name before the next kid with your kid's name snatches it up
b) you can charm grandma and grandpa with emails from your kid to them. even though everyone knows you beloved child can't type or spell yet, it warms their hearts to see their grandchild's name in their "from" list
c) you can freak your husband/baby-daddy out when you send him an email from your child's email address. (note: key to the surprise, don't tell him you're setting up the email address.)
c) as you think of things you'd want to tell him someday, you can just send an email to him and it will be there someday when he can actually read. it will already be chronological and it will capture the tone of how you actually would tell the story.

Caveat - occasionally you will have to do some maintenance on the inbox to purge the pervy spam mail you won't want her to see

Banter and blog posts

Has been a poor showing from me on the blog lately. Blame it on the stars, the endocrine system, the time change. Hard to say why the pause from posting much, but my once fool-proof method of thinking, "what did I do today that went well...blog about it" has failed me of late.


Actually, it's mostly because my good advice lately has to do primarily to do with work, getting to work or feeding myself at work. Since my fellow blog-girls don't work in an office, it's feel somewhat useless in this space. But, I'm wondering, is the not blogging about the pointless work-efficiencies holding up the better more useful flow?

Anyway, here's my dumb good advice du jour:

- keep granola and yogurt at work in the work fridge. you'll never regret it and will start everyday well balanced. I will post the granola recipe later from the downstairs computer.

- have a folder on the toolbar of your internet browser called "everyday". put your sites in there you like to visit to start the day. keep an eye on the clock and stay within a reasonable time period (like 15 mins). good way to warm up the brain and something do to while eating granola. I typically check my email accounts, facebook, nytimes, wsj and my horoscope. on a slow day I'll also check in with Perez.

- make a little extra dinner in the evening and then take it to work the next day (this is probably something you're already doing if you like to pack your lunch, I know. Just trying to slay the demons)

- read perez at lunch. do it on the sly. somehow gossip's better when you're sneaking around.

- IM with the hubby, very briefly everyday. better than a phone call and good way to get essential information to one another, i.e. "need milk on way home." "okay". also pretty fun to do on the sly.

- keep a stocked diaper bag in the car at all times. gives you the freedom to change plans on the fly and keeps your child tended to. keep an extra set of clothes for him/her in there, too. where I live, the beach is luckily almost never out of the question.

that's all I have today. hope it helps someone somewhere and if nothing else opens up something better tomorrow.

HOLLAH for Crayola!

Ok, so I realize that's kind of like saying "Give it up for KLEENEX" in the world of mom-dom...I mean, duh, yeah, Crayola is great. We grew up with it, they've evolved with the times and make great washable art supplies of all manner and kind. But specifically, I love, love, love their Color Wonder line for the budding toddler artiste.

This stuff is a mess-free world of fun. They make markers, finger paints, and regular paints that ONLY work on Color Wonder paper. It is BRILLIANT.

We took the Color Wonder markers & coloring books on vacation and it bought us, say, 15 minutes on the airplane, and there were no stray marks on the seats, or us for that matter.

And at home, we can tape the paper down on the floor - it comes in large 20 x 30-ish sheets - and the paint tubes ONLY work on the paper. I am telling you, hours of fun. This stuff is great. And non-toxic.

So until your wee one understands that paint goes only on paper, and is not a great substitute for lipstick and eyeshadow, this stuff is the bomb-biddles.

Diaper Change Suggestion for the Weary

Changing the stinky diapers of your toddler while grappling with pregnancy nausea is a major challenge. I've actually gotten sick 4 times over the last month while in the midst of a diaper change. My method now is to open the window next to the change table, take a big breath of cold air and get it over with as quickly as possible. Tonight was a tough one. The gag reflex started and I looked around for some relief. I grabbed Burt's Bees Apricot Baby Oil and dabbed it under my nose. Lo and behold it blocked the particularly bad smell from getting to me. No doubt this is going to turn into a daily ritual until I feel 100%. Let's just hope it doesn't make me break out. I'd have to imagine that any natural oil would work -- I'll bet that something minty or citrusy would give you the best result.

Baby in the Bathroom

Just an addendum to the "To Buy or Not to Buy" question...

It's funny how one's perspective shifts by geography. If my husband and I were in NYC, or any other major city, in comparison, our current situation would seem like a mansion, which it definitely is not. We live in an open floor plan house, a loft-like setting in Santa Fe's foothills. As such, when our bundle of joy came along, we didn't have a room in which she would have privacy and quiet for naptimes and bedtime...no room, that is, except the bathroom.

We have endured 18 months of snickers and incredulity at the fact that our baby sleeps in the bathroom. We are starting construction to add two rooms to our house, but honestly, we have enjoyed a level of intimacy and comfort that we are a little bit sad to give up.

We met with an architect while I was still pregnant, who was the inspiration for this past year and a half's living conditions. We were in a hurry to get an addition planned and built before the birth. He sketched up some ideas for us as we sat and talked about our lifestyle and needs. And then before he left, he said something that slowed us down, in the best way. He said, "You know, all they know is what they're born into. My daughter lived in a teepee until she was eight. She didn't know any different."

So what's my point? Enough actually can be enough. Um, except for the fact that as I write concrete is being poured outside the door. And I'm not saying a teepee would work for most people outside of our wacky little town. (Or even us, for that matter, although we DO happen to have one. But that's another story.) Just wanted to add my own two cents after reading and sympathizing with my dear friend's post...I think we all have this picture of how it is "supposed to be", based on perhaps how we were raised or how we wished it could have been when we were children. And then, suddenly WHAT IS replaces that nagging SUPPOSED TO BE, and you realize, it's pretty damn good...even if you have to walk up too many flights of stairs while pregnant or pee squatting in the snow because you just can't wait for naptime to be over and your baby sleeps in the bathroom.

But still, fingers crossed for a new place for you before June!

My Child - Your Guinea Pig

A review of suncreens never tested on animals, but my dear, sensitive child's skin. Our pain, your gain.

Last summer we tried 'em all..aveeno baby, california baby, coppertone's waterbaby, mustela...and woe is me, if they didn't all give my child a skin condition resembling severe eczema. I wasn't really sure at first if it was chlorine or sun exposure, (or, eczema) but in the end, the experiment with my child's skin led me to believe that sunscreen was the culprit.

Having just returned from a week on the beach in Mexico with a bottle of Earth's First baby sunscreen, SPF 30 I am happy to report it did the job! Her skin stayed clear AND sunburn free. On the last day, I thought that perhaps her skin had lost its sensitivity to sunscreen in general, and carelessly sprayed some of our friend's Huggie's Little Swimmer's brand, SPF 50, on her sweet little legs. The rash is back, and I feel like a terrible mother.

But, the upside is I can highly recommend Earth's First as the sunscreen for those of you out there struggling to keep your kids covered up AND rash free!

PS: Aquaphor works great on dry, rashy patches of skin, if you are unfortunate enough to have a child with skin like my little lady...

To buy or not to buy?

For those in “expanding family” mode, the looming question of “expanding the home” seems inevitiable. Particularly for those of us who currently live in big cities or have recently moved from big cities (like the authors on this blog) and dwell in adequate spaces but perhaps not quite large enough for the newcomer.

Or is that a state of mind? In fact four people could easily fit (eat, sleep and all that) in our 1,800 square foot, bi-level apartment. In reality, its not even really “4” – but instead two big adults with all the usual space necessities, a small toddler and the smallest person of us all, the imminent infant. As Americans I think we’ve all gone a bit mad in this area. Having the perfect space for each person is a dream, perhaps a goal, but not a necessity.

That said, I do have major challenges with our current abode. It happens to be at the top of a 19th century brownstone, requiring a hefty walk up 3 flights of stairs before reaching the front door. To date, this has not been a problem. One gets accustomed to heaving a 30 lbs., squiggling child up multiple flights of stairs. Groceries can be tricky – but as long as the food requiring refrigeration is taken in during the toddler’s naptime, Daddy can always get the remaining bags as he comes in from work.

My son’s continued weight gain together with my own weight issues (pregnancy) and the physical challenges around that, those stairs are getting steeper and longer by the day. But even worse is the prospect of dragging the infant bucket (with person of course), all the accoutrements AND the toddler up the stairs…..hmmmm, doable? Perhaps if the spindles on the central stairwell weren’t 5 inches in diameter my son could walk up those stairs – damn those architects of the past and their wood carved banisters!!

It’s a shame really. We have a super apartment in a super location. More importantly, I’m still waiting on the real estate market to make it’s final corrections to an expensive urban area that seems to only be growing in popularity. The goal is to move before this baby comes, but we all do what is necessary when circumstances are out of our control. Fingers crossed for the perfect house in the perfect neighborhood at the perfect price - before June!

Children's Art/Books Resource - Eric Carle

Eric Carle, the children's book author, has opened a museum in Mass called The Eric Carle Museum of Picture Book Art. I just found this website and am blown away. Tons of posters to buy, which I may because I have yet to hang a single piece of artwork in my son's room. Bad mom. Very special things on PictureBookArt.org.

Tip for mananging a 2 yr old (Part 2)

Because eventually there is always a point of poetic justice, my day that began so winningly with choices as the ticket to parenting harmony, ended with me tucking my son in bed. While doing so, a crossroads was reached at which point I began to say, "You have a" and to which he immediately said, "No choices mama!".

Real tip for parenting, don't think you ever really know anything... and if you do, certainly keep it off the blog. It may jinx you!

Tip for mananging a 2 yr old

As a rule, I'm not for using this blog to give actual parenting advice. I think every child is different, every family dynamic is specific and family philosophies cover wide ranges. This variation is good and makes the world go round.

That said, there's one bit of advice I feel I can safely give because it's neutral from a philosophical standpoint and from what I've seen effective across most situations. This is the act of choice giving. I'm thinking of this today because it's 7 am right now and I am able to be writing this blog post right now. At 6 am my son was calling my name over and over. I went into his room and said, "it's too early to wake up right now. go back to sleep." I got the predicable response of, "no. i don't want to go back to sleep." So, I said, "you have a choice, you can read books in your crib by yourself or you can go back to sleep. it's too early for you to get up right now." this choice took a few re-statements to become clear but after a minute or so, he laid back down and went back to sleep. (he is waking up now, I hear in the background)

Choice-giving as a method has come to be effective for me because a) I give choices from a neutral place, not stressed or emotional; b) when I give choices, I stated them once or twice and then I say, "this is the last chance with this choice then I'm going to make the choice for you." When we first started using this method, he didn't get that a choice was actually going to be made so the key was to actually make the choice. He wouldn't necessarily like the choice and this meant for the beginning period of choice-giving there were some big tears and protests. My responses would be to reply with a calm, "I know it's hard you didn't get the choice you wanted. When mama gives a choice, you need to make it." After a short period of reinforcing what choice making means, it works for me now, most of the time. (and in parenting, most of the time is a very good thing)

How to attend a caucus

One word, bring a baby or toddler. Okay, so that's more than one word, but in short, if you are carrying someone short, you will get favored in an overcrowded, poorly planned yet generous and kind scene.

Sunday was the caucus here vacationland (Maine). One should think of this affectionate nickname as an only sometimes deserved name. Given the degree we have to beg friends to visit in the winter vs. the flood of visitors in the summer, I think I might campaign for it to be renamed the summer-vacationland. It is indeed not really the year round one - except maybe if you live in Mass but if you live in Mass, your bar is lower anyway...I digress. Point being, it was cold, it was snowy - in a good way. In the big fat flakes way. But the news called it a "snowstorm" I guess it would be a snowstorm if the equivalent weather hit a truly mild state like Maryland, but here, it was nothing but another winter day.

Back to the advice. If you go to an overcrowded caucus (and you should if you have one because what else do you have to do unless you work in a hospital or something?) bring a small child. You will get moved to the front of the line, or you will be justified to push ahead. They get heavy and impatient and that seems to justify pushing past the heavy and impatient adults. May not be totally rational, but go with it.

Get out and vote. Yes we can!

Swim diapers

In case you don't already know, swim diapers should be put on just before going in the water. If you put your child in the swim diaper at home and then in his/her car seat. By the time you get where you're going, chances are, he/she will be soaked. They don't absorb. (Yes. Learned this the hard way.)

Flip side: If you opt to skip the swim diaper and go swimming anyway, your child will have a diaper swollen the size of the floatation devices he/she may have around his/her waist or arms and the walk to the locker room in front of all the parent who know better than you will be at least slightly embarrassing. (Again, learned this the hard way.)

Conclusion - Swim diapers are good to use but only for the prescribed purpose.

The Quickie

It's a cliche that having a child changes one's life but when it happened to me it still felt remarkably unexpected. The gains have outweighed the losses by a thousand but on some days, the things that are gone feel acutely missed.

Of all the things left behind, the most longed for might be the phone calls with my girlfriends and siblings. I miss both the luxuriously long ones and and the brief updates picking up where we left off yesterday.

The solution I'm working on to this issue the quickie phone call. It's a call made in a miraculous slip of free time where I reach a fellow busy friend/sib on the line and we speed chat a rapid download of the most important news. It's not the same as pre-baby but it' keeps the connection open. It's hardly ever balanced between the sides, but it's better than nothing. It happens on morning drop off or rides home from music class. Even the quickie happens almost never - most often I get a voicemail on the other end - but when it does, it is divine.