Eventually we had to talk about skincare

Pretty much any friend I have will read this and wonder what took her so long to get around to skincare advice. Devoted is a mild term for my commitment to the Dermalogica brand.

I will make this quick and simply say I love it: it's clean, pure, smart and it fixes skin problems other brands don't. I will also say it hasn't worked for everyone I've recommended it to, so take my recommendation with a grain of salt. I will also tell you that it's worth getting a facial from a Dermalogica esthetician to figure out which products are right for you.

If you do want to shop for Dermalogica products for less, the best source I've found is Skinwest.com.

My #1 favorite product is the Daily Microfoliant. Works especially well on the chin area (hormonal zone). Use daily in the am.

Baby in the Bathroom

Just an addendum to the "To Buy or Not to Buy" question...

It's funny how one's perspective shifts by geography. If my husband and I were in NYC, or any other major city, in comparison, our current situation would seem like a mansion, which it definitely is not. We live in an open floor plan house, a loft-like setting in Santa Fe's foothills. As such, when our bundle of joy came along, we didn't have a room in which she would have privacy and quiet for naptimes and bedtime...no room, that is, except the bathroom.

We have endured 18 months of snickers and incredulity at the fact that our baby sleeps in the bathroom. We are starting construction to add two rooms to our house, but honestly, we have enjoyed a level of intimacy and comfort that we are a little bit sad to give up.

We met with an architect while I was still pregnant, who was the inspiration for this past year and a half's living conditions. We were in a hurry to get an addition planned and built before the birth. He sketched up some ideas for us as we sat and talked about our lifestyle and needs. And then before he left, he said something that slowed us down, in the best way. He said, "You know, all they know is what they're born into. My daughter lived in a teepee until she was eight. She didn't know any different."

So what's my point? Enough actually can be enough. Um, except for the fact that as I write concrete is being poured outside the door. And I'm not saying a teepee would work for most people outside of our wacky little town. (Or even us, for that matter, although we DO happen to have one. But that's another story.) Just wanted to add my own two cents after reading and sympathizing with my dear friend's post...I think we all have this picture of how it is "supposed to be", based on perhaps how we were raised or how we wished it could have been when we were children. And then, suddenly WHAT IS replaces that nagging SUPPOSED TO BE, and you realize, it's pretty damn good...even if you have to walk up too many flights of stairs while pregnant or pee squatting in the snow because you just can't wait for naptime to be over and your baby sleeps in the bathroom.

But still, fingers crossed for a new place for you before June!

My Child - Your Guinea Pig

A review of suncreens never tested on animals, but my dear, sensitive child's skin. Our pain, your gain.

Last summer we tried 'em all..aveeno baby, california baby, coppertone's waterbaby, mustela...and woe is me, if they didn't all give my child a skin condition resembling severe eczema. I wasn't really sure at first if it was chlorine or sun exposure, (or, eczema) but in the end, the experiment with my child's skin led me to believe that sunscreen was the culprit.

Having just returned from a week on the beach in Mexico with a bottle of Earth's First baby sunscreen, SPF 30 I am happy to report it did the job! Her skin stayed clear AND sunburn free. On the last day, I thought that perhaps her skin had lost its sensitivity to sunscreen in general, and carelessly sprayed some of our friend's Huggie's Little Swimmer's brand, SPF 50, on her sweet little legs. The rash is back, and I feel like a terrible mother.

But, the upside is I can highly recommend Earth's First as the sunscreen for those of you out there struggling to keep your kids covered up AND rash free!

PS: Aquaphor works great on dry, rashy patches of skin, if you are unfortunate enough to have a child with skin like my little lady...

To buy or not to buy?

For those in “expanding family” mode, the looming question of “expanding the home” seems inevitiable. Particularly for those of us who currently live in big cities or have recently moved from big cities (like the authors on this blog) and dwell in adequate spaces but perhaps not quite large enough for the newcomer.

Or is that a state of mind? In fact four people could easily fit (eat, sleep and all that) in our 1,800 square foot, bi-level apartment. In reality, its not even really “4” – but instead two big adults with all the usual space necessities, a small toddler and the smallest person of us all, the imminent infant. As Americans I think we’ve all gone a bit mad in this area. Having the perfect space for each person is a dream, perhaps a goal, but not a necessity.

That said, I do have major challenges with our current abode. It happens to be at the top of a 19th century brownstone, requiring a hefty walk up 3 flights of stairs before reaching the front door. To date, this has not been a problem. One gets accustomed to heaving a 30 lbs., squiggling child up multiple flights of stairs. Groceries can be tricky – but as long as the food requiring refrigeration is taken in during the toddler’s naptime, Daddy can always get the remaining bags as he comes in from work.

My son’s continued weight gain together with my own weight issues (pregnancy) and the physical challenges around that, those stairs are getting steeper and longer by the day. But even worse is the prospect of dragging the infant bucket (with person of course), all the accoutrements AND the toddler up the stairs…..hmmmm, doable? Perhaps if the spindles on the central stairwell weren’t 5 inches in diameter my son could walk up those stairs – damn those architects of the past and their wood carved banisters!!

It’s a shame really. We have a super apartment in a super location. More importantly, I’m still waiting on the real estate market to make it’s final corrections to an expensive urban area that seems to only be growing in popularity. The goal is to move before this baby comes, but we all do what is necessary when circumstances are out of our control. Fingers crossed for the perfect house in the perfect neighborhood at the perfect price - before June!

Children's Art/Books Resource - Eric Carle

Eric Carle, the children's book author, has opened a museum in Mass called The Eric Carle Museum of Picture Book Art. I just found this website and am blown away. Tons of posters to buy, which I may because I have yet to hang a single piece of artwork in my son's room. Bad mom. Very special things on PictureBookArt.org.

Tip for mananging a 2 yr old (Part 2)

Because eventually there is always a point of poetic justice, my day that began so winningly with choices as the ticket to parenting harmony, ended with me tucking my son in bed. While doing so, a crossroads was reached at which point I began to say, "You have a" and to which he immediately said, "No choices mama!".

Real tip for parenting, don't think you ever really know anything... and if you do, certainly keep it off the blog. It may jinx you!

Tip for mananging a 2 yr old

As a rule, I'm not for using this blog to give actual parenting advice. I think every child is different, every family dynamic is specific and family philosophies cover wide ranges. This variation is good and makes the world go round.

That said, there's one bit of advice I feel I can safely give because it's neutral from a philosophical standpoint and from what I've seen effective across most situations. This is the act of choice giving. I'm thinking of this today because it's 7 am right now and I am able to be writing this blog post right now. At 6 am my son was calling my name over and over. I went into his room and said, "it's too early to wake up right now. go back to sleep." I got the predicable response of, "no. i don't want to go back to sleep." So, I said, "you have a choice, you can read books in your crib by yourself or you can go back to sleep. it's too early for you to get up right now." this choice took a few re-statements to become clear but after a minute or so, he laid back down and went back to sleep. (he is waking up now, I hear in the background)

Choice-giving as a method has come to be effective for me because a) I give choices from a neutral place, not stressed or emotional; b) when I give choices, I stated them once or twice and then I say, "this is the last chance with this choice then I'm going to make the choice for you." When we first started using this method, he didn't get that a choice was actually going to be made so the key was to actually make the choice. He wouldn't necessarily like the choice and this meant for the beginning period of choice-giving there were some big tears and protests. My responses would be to reply with a calm, "I know it's hard you didn't get the choice you wanted. When mama gives a choice, you need to make it." After a short period of reinforcing what choice making means, it works for me now, most of the time. (and in parenting, most of the time is a very good thing)

How to attend a caucus

One word, bring a baby or toddler. Okay, so that's more than one word, but in short, if you are carrying someone short, you will get favored in an overcrowded, poorly planned yet generous and kind scene.

Sunday was the caucus here vacationland (Maine). One should think of this affectionate nickname as an only sometimes deserved name. Given the degree we have to beg friends to visit in the winter vs. the flood of visitors in the summer, I think I might campaign for it to be renamed the summer-vacationland. It is indeed not really the year round one - except maybe if you live in Mass but if you live in Mass, your bar is lower anyway...I digress. Point being, it was cold, it was snowy - in a good way. In the big fat flakes way. But the news called it a "snowstorm" I guess it would be a snowstorm if the equivalent weather hit a truly mild state like Maryland, but here, it was nothing but another winter day.

Back to the advice. If you go to an overcrowded caucus (and you should if you have one because what else do you have to do unless you work in a hospital or something?) bring a small child. You will get moved to the front of the line, or you will be justified to push ahead. They get heavy and impatient and that seems to justify pushing past the heavy and impatient adults. May not be totally rational, but go with it.

Get out and vote. Yes we can!

I heart podcasting

These are the Podcasts I keep up to date on my iTunes.
They are all available from the iTunes directory.
To access each site directly, click on the hyperlinks below.

APM: Garrison Keillor's The Writer's Almanac
This podcast is updated everyday. In the first half Garrison Keillor talks about which famous writers are having a birthday today and a little bit about each. In the second half, he reads a poem. The Change, by Tony Hoagland represents exactly the sort of poem that keeps me tuned into this show.


Commonwealth Club Radio Program
Hear in depth discussions with speakers covering a range of timely topics. I’ve found I’ve gotten news from this source that isn’t widely available elsewhere.


NYTimes Front Page
If you only have a few minutes to keep up with the world a day, this is a great way to stay up to date.


Harvard Business Review Ideacast
Forward thinking business ideas. Fresh, innovative and well considered opinions. I’m often left thinking about the topic for well after the initial listen.


KCRW Today's Top Tune
A song a day. This is a great way to have a total change of pace from the rest of the day. Often this is the first thing I turn on when I come home from work. Breaks up the sameness.


Podrunner: Workout Music
Dance tracks for running. Not all are good but when they are good, they’re very good. I can run longer with this music than most anything else.

This American Life
#1 podcast for car trips. Hilarious, touching stories about people being people.


Radio Lab
Fascinating investigations into some of life’s most basic questions. My favorite so far: why we sleep.

YogaDownload.com
Best way to workout in a short window of time or in a hotel room.

Turn off your computer

This may not be something I am able to do in the future, (when my self-employment actually picks up again) and for the good of our blog, I should not really be offering up this advice, but it is an appeal to turn off your computer. At least once a week, if possible, have a computer free day. Better yet, set aside 30 minutes a day where the computer is not an option. Last November, a close relative nearly died from complications from the flu, and it caused what my therapist coined "a flight into health." I was also inspired by a healthy friend whose life seemed so much more manageable and in-balance than mine - even as the full-time breadwinner of her family. I realized I had been living at a frantic pace, with no time for myself, and my body and mind were suffering. As the mother of an 18 month old, time is at a premium. How to make more time? TURN OFF YOUR COMPUTER. Instead of rushing to the computer as soon as naptime hits, sit quietly for at least 5 minutes, listening to your breath. I think you'll be amazed at how quickly your daily 5 minutes turns into 15, and more amazing still, how making some quiet time for yourself rapidly turns into a ritual. You might be even more amazed to see what else opens up in your life for you. For me, this ritual turned into a daily yoga practice and a return to a long lost passion. What could 30 minutes a day NOT spent on the computer do for you?

But then, get back to your computer, because your friends and family are important! But make a little time for you first.

Swim diapers

In case you don't already know, swim diapers should be put on just before going in the water. If you put your child in the swim diaper at home and then in his/her car seat. By the time you get where you're going, chances are, he/she will be soaked. They don't absorb. (Yes. Learned this the hard way.)

Flip side: If you opt to skip the swim diaper and go swimming anyway, your child will have a diaper swollen the size of the floatation devices he/she may have around his/her waist or arms and the walk to the locker room in front of all the parent who know better than you will be at least slightly embarrassing. (Again, learned this the hard way.)

Conclusion - Swim diapers are good to use but only for the prescribed purpose.

The Quickie

It's a cliche that having a child changes one's life but when it happened to me it still felt remarkably unexpected. The gains have outweighed the losses by a thousand but on some days, the things that are gone feel acutely missed.

Of all the things left behind, the most longed for might be the phone calls with my girlfriends and siblings. I miss both the luxuriously long ones and and the brief updates picking up where we left off yesterday.

The solution I'm working on to this issue the quickie phone call. It's a call made in a miraculous slip of free time where I reach a fellow busy friend/sib on the line and we speed chat a rapid download of the most important news. It's not the same as pre-baby but it' keeps the connection open. It's hardly ever balanced between the sides, but it's better than nothing. It happens on morning drop off or rides home from music class. Even the quickie happens almost never - most often I get a voicemail on the other end - but when it does, it is divine.