Common Sense Advice

Don't take library books on vacation.
Arthur's Tooth now has a new home on Delta airlines.

To the Mundane

Down off my high horse...a regular old mama piece of advice.

Permanent marker can be removed using hairspray. It is actually pretty darn miraculous, if mundane. Spray the stain, let it set (leave on for an hour or so, rinse, repeat if necessary, scrub with an old toothbrush, and also use stain remover.)

I googled and found this gem...and did it and can testify that it works. Hallelujah!

Sanctimonious

That's how I am afraid my last post may have come off. I have been through some really intense life experiences in the last couple of years, and I am afraid in my own attempt to make sense of everything and have the bigger picture not terrify me, I have begun to pollyanna-ify even the worst case scenarios - as in, "even if you or I became one eye, it would all be great because we love each other so damn much and spiritual consciousness will save the day."

I know it would still really, really suck, and I also am aware of the fact that even if we all love each other to the moon and back, we might not be able to deal with the whole "one eye" scenario, having it or witnessing it. I guess I am feeling the need to add a little something to that last post, because it may have come across as incredibly naive, or worse still, as if I am suggesting every friend and family member be able to rise to the occasion of the horror of something happening like locked-in syndrome.

To clarify, what I meant was that I have a deep trust in my loved ones and am taking care to choose people carefully in my life. Using the "one eye" thing as a filter, taking stock in who would or would not still recognize my humanity and be able to show up - at least in letters or phone calls - is simply a good way to weed the friend garden. I used to keep a lot of people around that truly wouldn't pass this test. Having gone through the death of my father and having an aunt go through a serious illness (guillain-barre, temporary but similar to locked-in syndrome, except worse because without any vision) in the last two years has made me re-evaluate my priorities and my relationships. And my expression of gratitude in that last post was more of a statement of appreciation than a declaration of expectation. And I also wanted to make it known that I would show up - even if it would be hard as hell to see anyone I loved in that position.

I hope that erases some of the holier-than-thou aspects of that post. Last thing I want to be is some overly reverent, preachy type. That just ain't me. But it could be if I didn't watch it, or if I didn't have good friends to call me on it!

The Diving Bell & The Butterfly

See it. Miraculous. Consciousness is the human experience, this movie illustrates this so beautifully.

I am a total Hollywood-movie-happy-ending-freak to the point that I irritate my husband endlessly with my recent repulsion to any movie with a dark or disturbing premise...and this one has all the elements that I usually avoid...and yet it was strangely uplifting.

Jean-Dominique Bauby, editor of French Elle, had a stroke at age 42 and ended up with "locked-in syndrome", which means he was rendered completely paralyzed without the ability to speak. He was trapped inside his body. Horrific, I know - but the movie isn't. The movie is seen from his viewpoint, and his imagination and memory drive the story. He wrote his memoirs by blinking his one eye to communicate the different letters of the alphabet to form words.

One thing I've taken away from it is a new filter device - I've been thinking about the people in my life who would be able to be there for me - who WOULD be there for me - if I became "one eye." At this point, I actually think the list would be pretty comprehensive, including most of the people in my life. There are more profound insights to be gleaned from the film, but the "one eye" litmus test is something I keep returning to.

I think that's where we want to be - surrounded by the "one eye" peeps - and while other people may be in your life for one reason or another that don't make this list, and of course, these people may need to stay in your life for political or personal/familial reasons, but how can they truly be someone you call a friend, someone you trust with your heart?

To the friends I share this blog with, and to those who I trust to read this blog, thanks for being my "one eye" people. Trust that I would be there if you were "one eye" too.

You get what you get and sometimes that's a good thing

View from our upstairs window tonight. 

Something has shifted in me lately and I'm so glad. I was anguishing for the past months, feeling doubtful about my future and about how I got to where I am now. Judging myself for not having an advance degree, feeling fearful about how to have a second pregnancy in light of money concerns and being in a new job. I have been sad when I drop off my son, feeling like I'm doing him an injustice shuttling him to someone else everyday. I've been short with and tough on my husband blaming him for some of our current circumstances.

I think all the inner turmoil peaked when I got the dreaded call from my Dr. that a mammogram, my first, raised some doubts and I needed to go back for a second look. I realize now in retrospect I really don't have the capacity to deal with this kind of news. I shoved it down and didn't actually acknowledge it. I just wanted to get the second views taken and move past this. All my fears about dying young, leaving my son behind, not doing all I want to do, etc. came to the surface but instead of seeking comfort I simply froze my heart and pushed through it. This was tough for me but probably 10x's harder for my husband. I was unreachable.

I am fine. The second scans came back and I got the all clear. They even send a letter in the mail to say, all clear. A very nice touch. 

Shortly thereafter lots of other clouds passed: we paid off our last debt - a remnant of our move to ME and our tendency to say, "we need it" even when we really don't. I have had a couple of proud work moments from standing my ground in challenging confrontations.  I've found there are real joys there and am working on some exciting projects. Ultimately, there may be regrets I'll have with my son for not being home with him everyday, but for now I have to believe we're both going to be okay. 

Anyway, the point of this post is you get what you get and sometimes that's a good thing. To demonstrate - this summer we're getting a weekly portion of food from an amazing CSA out in Scarborough. We got a few greens and a few of this-and-that's this week. Upon first glance nothing too sexy or inticing. But, after following the recipe on The Broadturn Farm blog, I discovered the most wonderful pasta meal we've had in ages. Fresh, delicious and a little unexpected. 

Giving Thanks Daily

A great way to connect with your kids &/or significant other every day: mark the start of dinner with a moment where you all hold hands and express what you are thankful for. 

It's a pretty delightful thing to hear what comes out of my little toddler every night. Typically he's thankful for some form of transportation. 

We've had:

 

- Trucks (the all encompassing category, followed by the question, "Are you thankful for trucks?") This single thing has been on the thankful list for a good 6 months running.

 

More specifically, we've had:  

- Moving Trucks

- Airplanes

- Airplanes that carry moving trucks

Also mentioned with some degree of frequency:

- Generators

- Grandma and Grandpa

- The sun

- and my favorite "you" (directed at me and his dad)

Anyway, this tradition is borne out of my upbringing where we prayed every night - a rote, Catholic chant that we tore through as quickly as possible just to get to the part where my mom would say, "Anyone want to say anything?", which was our open invitation to beg God for something we needed, i.e. my sister to stop touching me or bugging me or telling me what to do.

Now that giving thanks is part of our daily life, it's a really lovely pause in our day. Many, many times it has been the stopping point where I collect my breath, my thoughts and my always forward moving energy to just realize how much I actually have already.

Hot Seat

This week we had some 80 degree days and then some almost snow days (life in New Mexico is bizarre) but the 80 degree days brought up the issue of hot cars and hotter car seats. My daughter's car seat was so hot to the touch, I couldn't put her in it after exiting the grocery store. Then I had an "aha" moment...I took a tub of ice cream and rubbed it all over her seat and voila, no burning bum for my little one.

Going from home out, use anything you can find in the freezer - frozen peas, whatever. I like using one of those cooler blocks of ice, or a gel-pack for injuries, and keeping it in the car in a cooler or cooler bag so you can use it before and after outings.

Don't drink at auctions

Last night we went to an auction.

Had a glass of wine - no bids.

Had a beer. Encouraged husband to bid on a surfboard and wetsuit package. (Silent Auction) We won.

Had another beer. Live auction begins. High bid item of the night. A power blue Vespa. Bidding begins. A little slow. My hand goes up on second price called out. (I figured I could get some action going in the room.) A minute later. I own a Vespa.

Not priceless.

Now I'm looking for a buyer. 

Nothing much beats sleep

I could post a long blog post or go to bed. If I knew anything about Good Advice, I'd have to say, honey, go to bed.

I just want to say, Obama/Edwards looks like a great idea. I loved the way they complimented Hillary. I thought it was bold for John Edwards to say Hillary is where she is on her own merits and not because of who she's married to. This is a nice, if probably untrue, thing to say. It still is nice. If it's not because of her husband, then okay but then it's because she's playing on racism and that's not much better. But I digress and I meant to be light and positive.

I'm tired because I traveled down and back to Newark yesterday. Nervous I'd miss the 4 am wake up, I woke up at every hour leading up to 4 am. Then I got home last night and couldn't really wind down to go to bed early. And again tonight, same story - not the Newark part but the winding down part. Had to finish a favor for a friend so I've been sucked into my computer and away from my millions of tiny little threads counted by small people in Indonesia for my pleasure. So, to bed I will go.

I'm liking the website www.dooce.com btw and think she's not getting a fair shake on the TV. What else is new? I'm also wondering if there's a space anywhere online where someone's not selling something - including themselves. Why is everyone wanting to get something from someone else. Is this a uniquely American phenomenon? Do you even know what I'm talking about? I must be rambling. Last night I was talking in my sleep about twittering. I guess that's when you know it's bad.

Don't want keyboard face.











xo my friends. xo.

Sex Talk!

A friend of mine who is a pediatrician recently posted this column on how/when to talk to your kids about sex. I found her advice very helpful and terrifically succinct. Here's the link, if interested:
http://www.brandywinebuzz.com/newsletters/dr-amy050408.html

This came, strangely enough, the night after my son found the head of his penis upon the water draining in the bathtub. As he has a bit of foreskin coverage, this was a foreign thing to him and due to its red nature he thought he was hurt. He called out "Mommy - penis hurt" and he was genuinely scared. The conversation that ensued involved foreskin, penis heads and pee pee... which I thought made for a rather edgy chat with my two year old!

Your World is Your Mirror

Even if your world might include friends thousands of miles away. And if it's any indication of how right on the two previous posts were in summing up the general consensus, it takes me so much time in between posts that I forget my username & password pretty much every time I go to post.

As we speak, my husband keeps asking me questions as I try to type, my 21 year old has MOMENTARILY stopped calling my name - we are struggling with a new round of separation anxiety since I went from two 6 hour days out of the home to do errands & tend to my (lack of) business, to three to four 8 hour days away and the start of daycare - and yes, life is in flux.

Sometimes "enjoying the present", despite my best efforts and earnest last post, seems like a luxury outside of the realities of day to day existence and working for a paycheck. But that's where carving out the time for yoga steps in - and padding my work days for "me time", both of which are my advice for today of leading a satisfying life when balancing work and family and self. Advice I am working hard to follow! Then of course, the guilt steps in when I think I could have spent that "me time" with my toddler, who I am missing. And who is obviously missing me. Ugh.

But I still think it's better than feeling completely like the life effort is all output, no input.

Missing you friends, feeling the relief of those who GET IT, and looking forward to the next time we are all together.

And PS - credit goes to Moonmama, c.1997-ish, for the "World is Your Mirror" title here.

Well, you said it...

Adrift is an appropriate word among the well of adjectives I could use to describe how I'm feeling these days. For those of you not intimate with this foursome, I'm one of the pregnant ones referred to below. This time of life, not necessarily the age, but the "having babies" and "making career choices" time is quite a mystifying one.

Things were pretty simple in my twenties and early thirties when I was full of ambition, adventure and freedom. I currently have a watered down version of the first, ambition, which waxes and wanes with the moon. This has alot to do with my 2 year old whom I cherish with all of my being and the fact that I know my days are numbered with this little guy. If he's anything like me - he'll hit 12 and bye bye to Mama. But how to quash the middle of the night thoughts of getting back into a power position - one that provides all kinds of reward through accomplishment and payout? I'm doing what I can to scale things with a part time job but its nevertheless an emotional tug of war.

Adventure - might as well ditch that one along with Freedom. In fact, you can't have adventure without qualities 1 and 3. Not excersizing ambition = no money, 1.5 children = no freedom. Without these two things there is little possibility for adventure. Still, I dream of the "year" we'll be able to take the tykes to Europe or somewhere outside of the country. There's just so much to see and do.

Feeling adrift can be quite unsettling for those of us Capricorns and the like who live and breath by "order" and "planning". There is nothing orderly or planned about my life at the moment. Let's see, we're having a baby in 7 weeks and are overwhelmed by thoughts of what kind of change that will bring to our lives. Add to that - we don't even know the gender! Yes, yes, by our choice, but I can't ignore the seepage of anxiety this little unknown is responsible for. Our living situation is totally up in the air as our rent which is under "favorable terms" terminates in December and we are no closer to finding a permanent abode than 6 months ago. Oh and yes, the finances - without going too far into this I'll just say that we manage fine at the moment but what kind of havoc does baby #2 wreak on that scenario. Many people say that its common to spend a couple of years in the red with a new family, but again, the Capricorn in me will have a very hard time with that. How does one spend 24 months dipping into savings just to pay the monthly expenses???? This literally blows my mind!

Which brings up inflation and the stagnation of real wage increases. How can us middle classers (whose aspirations of "upper classness" have been smooshed since leaving corporate jobs, moving to smaller cities and having babies) survive when real wages haven't increased in a decade but the cost of everything else continues to go up? I went to Whole Foods last night - because they have the best produce and organic choices around - and my bill was at least 30% more than the average of this past year. Doesn't it seem ironic that those of us who are more "green" and "support your local farmer" concious aren't the ones with the most disposable income? Because of course being green and supporting your local farmer are far more expensive than buying food products produced by Monsanto.

A quick review of the above text indicates a much needed "vent" session, which would be done in person if I lived a bit closer to my best pals. At any rate, I apologize for this. The answer to minimizing the "adriftness", of course and which was so aptly put in Yogamama's April 8th posting, is to look at your life and find the wonder and beauty in it. Of which there truly is so much. It goes without saying that life shouldnt be about material, money and ambition, but about family, laughs and friends. There are many days that my focus is squarely on the latter and I feel JUBILIANT. Today, obviously ISNT one of those days.

There is still time, however, and I'm beginning to feel better already. Thank you for that.