Pay Attention

I'll start off this post by saying that this story has a happy ending. I am personally the kind of person who needs to know these things when stories go down a dark path, so I'll do you a favor, even if you're not the same.

New Year's eve and day events hold an unnerving portent for the year to come for the superstitious amongst us. I'd like to claim that I am of a rational, cynical nature, but clearly I lean toward the earnest and spiritual, and well, superstitious. (I think I resist this because I am drawn to the opposite kind of person, but so the saying goes.) So it was especially devastating when we discovered that our beloved 5 year old beagle, Linus, was nowhere to be found at 3am, January 1, 2009.

We had hosted a particularly epic New Year's Eve party. I say epic not because it was so amazingly fabulous for our guests, but for us it was because we hadn't hosted a party for partying's sake in over four years, we've been feeling very domestic and thirty-something and this truly wasn't either of those things, our two year old was safely out of the house, I was fitting into 13 year old clothes, and magically no one got into a conflict and the energy was great. These are all things parents of young children need to experience. It ended a year of heavy events that are obvious to all.

Sitting down to recap with our friends who had stayed because they were too drunk to drive (although wasn't that everyone?) we noticed our little buddy was no where to be found. We did the usual routine of calling, but he didn't come running. A lightbulb: the fireworks we shot off at midnight (we live in New Mexico) had scared the poor bastard off through his invisible fence. After an hour of searching the perimeter of our home, we gave up in exhaustion, only to rise with the sun and start again. We canvased the neighborhood, posting those horrible signs with a pathetically adorable animal under the header LOST. Our torment and self-hatred grew by the second. We slept an hour after our sleep-deprivation grew dangerous. We picked up our child who blissfully didn't seem to connect the dots. When we got home, she would occasionally, bizarrely, squeal with delight "He's home!" and run to the door. Call it two year old wish fulfillment. All day I called animal control, the police department, the shelter, all who communicated to me that animal services of all kinds were closed for the holiday.

By the next morning, my grief was as palpable and painful as when I lost my father and then my first dog a month later. Only it felt worse in some ways because I felt so deeply responsible. I found a service on-line which I cannot recommend more highly: www.findtoto.com. They'll call 500 people in a radius around your house for $125. Our friends & neighbors received the calls, which were of some comfort. Then, we were released from our suffering at 9AM when the animal shelter called to say they had our Linus in custody.

How does this fall under the advice header, or the parental header? Because of the moral of the story. Before the party, I had a thought: we should have Linus spend the night with our toddler at the grandparents house as well. I brushed the thought aside, thinking of all the parties I'd been to with wandering dogs and content with the knowledge that our dog never roams. You can imagine that tape replaying in my head for the 36 hours he was missing. And I think of all the small accidents with my child...that cabinet door is open, but can a 7 month old really pull that glass pan down on her foot? Well, yes. The 9 month old is cruising really well on that flagstone step, should I move closer in case she falls? Well, yes, and my that's a nice shiner she's got there. Those are small accidents. But you know the larger ones have that grain of a thought, a moment of "could that really happen?" Of course it could. Hear that voice, pay attention, ACT on it however small or irrational it may seem. I recently woke up with a momentary panic regarding all the hair elastics my two year old owns with those ceramic baubles at the end. As soon as I was awake, they were all stored safely away for when I feel she is old enough for them not to present a choking hazard. A long shot? Probably, but if you think it, it could happen. My advice, again: Pay attention. Act. You'll never be sorry.

Common Sense Advice

Don't take library books on vacation.
Arthur's Tooth now has a new home on Delta airlines.

Hot Seat

This week we had some 80 degree days and then some almost snow days (life in New Mexico is bizarre) but the 80 degree days brought up the issue of hot cars and hotter car seats. My daughter's car seat was so hot to the touch, I couldn't put her in it after exiting the grocery store. Then I had an "aha" moment...I took a tub of ice cream and rubbed it all over her seat and voila, no burning bum for my little one.

Going from home out, use anything you can find in the freezer - frozen peas, whatever. I like using one of those cooler blocks of ice, or a gel-pack for injuries, and keeping it in the car in a cooler or cooler bag so you can use it before and after outings.

Your World is Your Mirror

Even if your world might include friends thousands of miles away. And if it's any indication of how right on the two previous posts were in summing up the general consensus, it takes me so much time in between posts that I forget my username & password pretty much every time I go to post.

As we speak, my husband keeps asking me questions as I try to type, my 21 year old has MOMENTARILY stopped calling my name - we are struggling with a new round of separation anxiety since I went from two 6 hour days out of the home to do errands & tend to my (lack of) business, to three to four 8 hour days away and the start of daycare - and yes, life is in flux.

Sometimes "enjoying the present", despite my best efforts and earnest last post, seems like a luxury outside of the realities of day to day existence and working for a paycheck. But that's where carving out the time for yoga steps in - and padding my work days for "me time", both of which are my advice for today of leading a satisfying life when balancing work and family and self. Advice I am working hard to follow! Then of course, the guilt steps in when I think I could have spent that "me time" with my toddler, who I am missing. And who is obviously missing me. Ugh.

But I still think it's better than feeling completely like the life effort is all output, no input.

Missing you friends, feeling the relief of those who GET IT, and looking forward to the next time we are all together.

And PS - credit goes to Moonmama, c.1997-ish, for the "World is Your Mirror" title here.

Life

Choose Life
only that and always,
and at whatever risk.
To let life leak out, to let it wear away by
the mere passage of time, to withhold
giving it and spreading it
is to choose
nothing.
-Sister Helen Kelley

I wrestled with whether or not to go to yoga class this morning, given my work load, then decided I would do a short home practice as a compromise. Did a half-hour sequence, got showered & dressed prior to the time class would have been done and felt good about the choice and balanced as I started the day. Then I opened our local paper. A former colleague's 16 year old son was in a car accident on his way to a soccer game. The paper described my friend clutching her son's phone and the text messages streaming in, which she will not read, as she says they now belong to him. I sat down at my computer, and received the above quote in a weekly newsletter I receive from our local zen center.

Do I have advice today? Not sure. But I took the above as a message from my deceased father, who always stated a condensed version, which is "Life is for the living."

I include the yoga practice as part of this post because it is something I found a commitment to while I was out of work, and now that I am working again, feels threatened. I work from home and I only get paid for the hours I spend literally working. But it has become something that represents a true part of life to me - and something that shouldn't be shoved aside. I will write more on this subject another day, but the kernel of a point I am trying to make is to not shove aside our personal truths, to not give up on the things that we love, however impractical they may seem.

My advice, then, I suppose, is something that keeps coming back to me again and again in the two years since my father died. Be present. Do what you love. Be TRULY present with everyone you love. Don't wait to say the things you need to say - and to do the things you need to do. It's over in a flash - and this is both the most incredibly freeing and simultaneously terrifying truth there is.

Random things that are probably obvious to everyone but me

* Frozen chicken breasts should always be kept on hand for those dinners you forget to plan

* LL Bean tote bags are fantastic after you've washed and dried them in the dryer

* Yogurt squeezers are really great frozen

* To get a disagreeable toddler to cooperate, singing the same song to them when doing the disagreeable act (changing the diaper, picking up crayons-toys-spilled green beans) is a pavlovian wonder spell

HOLLAH for Crayola!

Ok, so I realize that's kind of like saying "Give it up for KLEENEX" in the world of mom-dom...I mean, duh, yeah, Crayola is great. We grew up with it, they've evolved with the times and make great washable art supplies of all manner and kind. But specifically, I love, love, love their Color Wonder line for the budding toddler artiste.

This stuff is a mess-free world of fun. They make markers, finger paints, and regular paints that ONLY work on Color Wonder paper. It is BRILLIANT.

We took the Color Wonder markers & coloring books on vacation and it bought us, say, 15 minutes on the airplane, and there were no stray marks on the seats, or us for that matter.

And at home, we can tape the paper down on the floor - it comes in large 20 x 30-ish sheets - and the paint tubes ONLY work on the paper. I am telling you, hours of fun. This stuff is great. And non-toxic.

So until your wee one understands that paint goes only on paper, and is not a great substitute for lipstick and eyeshadow, this stuff is the bomb-biddles.

Baby in the Bathroom

Just an addendum to the "To Buy or Not to Buy" question...

It's funny how one's perspective shifts by geography. If my husband and I were in NYC, or any other major city, in comparison, our current situation would seem like a mansion, which it definitely is not. We live in an open floor plan house, a loft-like setting in Santa Fe's foothills. As such, when our bundle of joy came along, we didn't have a room in which she would have privacy and quiet for naptimes and bedtime...no room, that is, except the bathroom.

We have endured 18 months of snickers and incredulity at the fact that our baby sleeps in the bathroom. We are starting construction to add two rooms to our house, but honestly, we have enjoyed a level of intimacy and comfort that we are a little bit sad to give up.

We met with an architect while I was still pregnant, who was the inspiration for this past year and a half's living conditions. We were in a hurry to get an addition planned and built before the birth. He sketched up some ideas for us as we sat and talked about our lifestyle and needs. And then before he left, he said something that slowed us down, in the best way. He said, "You know, all they know is what they're born into. My daughter lived in a teepee until she was eight. She didn't know any different."

So what's my point? Enough actually can be enough. Um, except for the fact that as I write concrete is being poured outside the door. And I'm not saying a teepee would work for most people outside of our wacky little town. (Or even us, for that matter, although we DO happen to have one. But that's another story.) Just wanted to add my own two cents after reading and sympathizing with my dear friend's post...I think we all have this picture of how it is "supposed to be", based on perhaps how we were raised or how we wished it could have been when we were children. And then, suddenly WHAT IS replaces that nagging SUPPOSED TO BE, and you realize, it's pretty damn good...even if you have to walk up too many flights of stairs while pregnant or pee squatting in the snow because you just can't wait for naptime to be over and your baby sleeps in the bathroom.

But still, fingers crossed for a new place for you before June!

My Child - Your Guinea Pig

A review of suncreens never tested on animals, but my dear, sensitive child's skin. Our pain, your gain.

Last summer we tried 'em all..aveeno baby, california baby, coppertone's waterbaby, mustela...and woe is me, if they didn't all give my child a skin condition resembling severe eczema. I wasn't really sure at first if it was chlorine or sun exposure, (or, eczema) but in the end, the experiment with my child's skin led me to believe that sunscreen was the culprit.

Having just returned from a week on the beach in Mexico with a bottle of Earth's First baby sunscreen, SPF 30 I am happy to report it did the job! Her skin stayed clear AND sunburn free. On the last day, I thought that perhaps her skin had lost its sensitivity to sunscreen in general, and carelessly sprayed some of our friend's Huggie's Little Swimmer's brand, SPF 50, on her sweet little legs. The rash is back, and I feel like a terrible mother.

But, the upside is I can highly recommend Earth's First as the sunscreen for those of you out there struggling to keep your kids covered up AND rash free!

PS: Aquaphor works great on dry, rashy patches of skin, if you are unfortunate enough to have a child with skin like my little lady...

Turn off your computer

This may not be something I am able to do in the future, (when my self-employment actually picks up again) and for the good of our blog, I should not really be offering up this advice, but it is an appeal to turn off your computer. At least once a week, if possible, have a computer free day. Better yet, set aside 30 minutes a day where the computer is not an option. Last November, a close relative nearly died from complications from the flu, and it caused what my therapist coined "a flight into health." I was also inspired by a healthy friend whose life seemed so much more manageable and in-balance than mine - even as the full-time breadwinner of her family. I realized I had been living at a frantic pace, with no time for myself, and my body and mind were suffering. As the mother of an 18 month old, time is at a premium. How to make more time? TURN OFF YOUR COMPUTER. Instead of rushing to the computer as soon as naptime hits, sit quietly for at least 5 minutes, listening to your breath. I think you'll be amazed at how quickly your daily 5 minutes turns into 15, and more amazing still, how making some quiet time for yourself rapidly turns into a ritual. You might be even more amazed to see what else opens up in your life for you. For me, this ritual turned into a daily yoga practice and a return to a long lost passion. What could 30 minutes a day NOT spent on the computer do for you?

But then, get back to your computer, because your friends and family are important! But make a little time for you first.