my husband, part 2

My husband, Charles, at the very least knows how to get me to laugh, even while invading my privacy. I'm only leaving that last post because, well, it's pretty funny. Um yeah, he wrote it.

my husband

my husband, Charles, is possibly the smartest, most handsome man in all of America. Today, I watched him apply Desitin to my young toddlers bottom and then to his own as a way of showing our young daughter that even Mommies and Daddies can get diaper rash.

Hang your Christmas tree lights in October

This morning I started the day at the dentist. 10 minutes late for my cleaning, teeth brushed, no food or coffee in me, I settled into the reclining chair with the bright light in my face. Exchanges between Obama and McCain on replay in my head from the night before as well as the news from NPR sinking in from my drive. The intensity of the world financial situation, like an earthquake in reverse. The boom went off everywhere and now it seems to be circling in, ring-like closer and closer to home.

With this heavy mindset I greeted my hygienist. I never can remember their names but they always greet me like we had lunch together just the other day. In her chipper way Nurse No Name comments of course on the weather and how brisk it is. I replied, "yes, amazing" and then told her that I saw some guy wearing gloves waiting for the bus. I think I logged this detail expressly, yet unconsciously, while driving here just because if adult life has taught me one thing, it's always be ready to talk about the weather.

As an add-on to the weather dialog, Nurse NN volunteers that she really loves this weekend coming up, Columbus Day, because she figured out a few years ago that if she hangs her Christmas lights now and just keeps them off until after Thanksgiving, she saves herself the hassle of wrestling with the lights in sub-zero weather. As she put it, "45 minutes in October is nuthin', but in December, it's a reallybigdeal!"

At that moment, my light bulb, (can't resist) went off and I realized, I have no words of wisdom whatsoever for these incredible times, other than it might be time to hang your lights. You may be needing them soon and it's only getting coldah.

Making space for possiblities

Has been a long time since I last posted. This is not for lack of thinking about it. It has to do with feeling stuck with nothing to say. Haven't felt like I had any worthwhile advice for quite a while.

Until this past weekend. I had time at home with my little guy. Husband was in NY and I had dialed back any plans with friends to just the minimum. We went to a friend's incredible new house in my favorite neighborhood for brunch. I couldn't be happier for her or feel there's a better person to live her life. However, I came home on Sunday and curled up in my bed while my little boy slept. I was crushed, sad and wanting a life other than mine. Her beautiful, spacious house with wallpaper, excessive numbers of bathrooms, double Viking ovens she wasn't quite sure what they were for...

After about 15 mins of not sleeping, not crying, not writing, not talking, just wallowing, I turned to a book I was given I don't even know how long ago nor by whom. I put it on my Amazon Wishlist a long time ago and then neglected it. Let it get dusty with the other great ideas I have scattered about.

The book is called Creating Sacred Space with Fung Shui by Karen Kingston. She talks about the energy of objects, rooms and spaces and how our spaces accumulate residue from the experiences we have within them the way cobwebs build up in corners if you don't clean from time to time.

I looked around my room, my house, the car, the garage and realized I had been neglecting the space I'm in now for as long or longer as I've felt stuck. My office no longer felt welcoming, my pantry was overflowing with stuff, my car was dusty and grimy, my sewing machine in disorder and stacks and stacks of papers.

It was no wonder I was constantly feeling overwhelmed, like there was no time to get to all my ambitions! I was burying myself. I realized if I want to create light and space and freedom in my life, I need to create that in my home. Kingston talks about the external home being a direct reflection of the internal life. WELL YES! HELLO!


Needless to say, the house is in major overhaul. My office is much cleaner, tidy-er and feels like a space where I can actually realize my aspirations. I have cracked open the wedding box from the garage, only 6 years later, to weed out documents that no longer need storage and pictures that finally can be put in books. I can honor my marriage, not neglect it on a shelf for a later date. And so it is going and it is ENERGIZING and fun and I have shaken my envy of my lucky friend. She has her space and I have mine and I love both.

Feeling at home, at home

When we left NY for our new city almost two years ago, I knew it would take some time to meet people and feel belonging in a new place. I remember discussions with my husband about how long that might take - my bet was 2 years, his was 6 months. Unfortunately I was right - but I'm glad to report that we've made it.

The activities of last weekend aptly demonstrate this. Friday night we went out to dinner and ate at a familiar restaurant with outside seating. We ran into a couple with a baby we had seen at the same place the previous Friday night and exchanged pleasantries. Saturday morning we went for pancakes at our favorite cafe run by a lovely couple from Ethiopia. We enter and our son runs to hug the open-armed owner - the wife of the couple. We decide to eat outside at the sidewalk tables, park our stroller with infant and proceed to order our usual - of which the husband of the couple, Soloman, is already mentally taking down. My son associates pancakes so much with this man, that he thinks the chef in the blueberry pancake story of Curious George is him. As we are enjoying our meal, a couple we know is walking by on their way to another eaterie. They are with their 2.5 year old and parents. We have a nice chat over coffee and sunshine.

Later we head to the playground. Its a beautiful afternoon with a sun lower in the sky and the feeling of Fall coming. We run into another couple we know (and really like) and spend the next hour or so mingling and watching our kids play (they have twin girls our son's age). We've been wanting to get together with these folks for dinner for a while but with end of pregnancy and birth of new child - social engagements have been on the back burner. So we are delighted when the wife asks if we want to come over for dinner chez eux. We accept, exchange information and start a leisurly stroll home, chatting as we went and enjoying the historic backdrop of old, brick sidewalks and federal period row homes.

We say goodbye on a corner which is crowded with restaurant life - tables are bustling outside and the weather is perfect - its Saturday night. And even though we are jealous of the young and hip who are drinking martinis at those tables we are feeling quite pleased with our weekend so far.

Sunday we go to church. After the service we stay for the coffee hour and chat with the many people we have gotten to know there. Sounds cheesy but we've gained a real sense of community from this place. It helps that it is a particularly liberal Episcopal church which employs a talented and very witty Brittish rector. The new assistant rector is a young and smart woman who happens to be a lesbian and in a couple relationtionship that she wrote about in her first letter to the congregation. So - a very open and interesting environment - one that we fit well in. We then see a couple that we've had dinner with on a few occasions. We met them at a screening and discussion session for "An Inconvenient Truth" that the wife put on last year.

To round out a great weekend, one that exceeded our expectations as we have a 2 month old, we made our weekly trip to the Farmers Market at Headhouse Square - a market location since the late 1700s and one that's constructed of old red brick and surrounding cobble stone streets.

"A" and I talked about how many people we had run into that we knew over the weekend. That combined with a routine of fun places to walk to and enjoy having spent enough time in a place to know them made for a comfortable feeling. We felt happy with our accomplishment of passing enough time to feel at home in a new home.

Common Sense Advice

Don't take library books on vacation.
Arthur's Tooth now has a new home on Delta airlines.

To the Mundane

Down off my high horse...a regular old mama piece of advice.

Permanent marker can be removed using hairspray. It is actually pretty darn miraculous, if mundane. Spray the stain, let it set (leave on for an hour or so, rinse, repeat if necessary, scrub with an old toothbrush, and also use stain remover.)

I googled and found this gem...and did it and can testify that it works. Hallelujah!

Sanctimonious

That's how I am afraid my last post may have come off. I have been through some really intense life experiences in the last couple of years, and I am afraid in my own attempt to make sense of everything and have the bigger picture not terrify me, I have begun to pollyanna-ify even the worst case scenarios - as in, "even if you or I became one eye, it would all be great because we love each other so damn much and spiritual consciousness will save the day."

I know it would still really, really suck, and I also am aware of the fact that even if we all love each other to the moon and back, we might not be able to deal with the whole "one eye" scenario, having it or witnessing it. I guess I am feeling the need to add a little something to that last post, because it may have come across as incredibly naive, or worse still, as if I am suggesting every friend and family member be able to rise to the occasion of the horror of something happening like locked-in syndrome.

To clarify, what I meant was that I have a deep trust in my loved ones and am taking care to choose people carefully in my life. Using the "one eye" thing as a filter, taking stock in who would or would not still recognize my humanity and be able to show up - at least in letters or phone calls - is simply a good way to weed the friend garden. I used to keep a lot of people around that truly wouldn't pass this test. Having gone through the death of my father and having an aunt go through a serious illness (guillain-barre, temporary but similar to locked-in syndrome, except worse because without any vision) in the last two years has made me re-evaluate my priorities and my relationships. And my expression of gratitude in that last post was more of a statement of appreciation than a declaration of expectation. And I also wanted to make it known that I would show up - even if it would be hard as hell to see anyone I loved in that position.

I hope that erases some of the holier-than-thou aspects of that post. Last thing I want to be is some overly reverent, preachy type. That just ain't me. But it could be if I didn't watch it, or if I didn't have good friends to call me on it!

The Diving Bell & The Butterfly

See it. Miraculous. Consciousness is the human experience, this movie illustrates this so beautifully.

I am a total Hollywood-movie-happy-ending-freak to the point that I irritate my husband endlessly with my recent repulsion to any movie with a dark or disturbing premise...and this one has all the elements that I usually avoid...and yet it was strangely uplifting.

Jean-Dominique Bauby, editor of French Elle, had a stroke at age 42 and ended up with "locked-in syndrome", which means he was rendered completely paralyzed without the ability to speak. He was trapped inside his body. Horrific, I know - but the movie isn't. The movie is seen from his viewpoint, and his imagination and memory drive the story. He wrote his memoirs by blinking his one eye to communicate the different letters of the alphabet to form words.

One thing I've taken away from it is a new filter device - I've been thinking about the people in my life who would be able to be there for me - who WOULD be there for me - if I became "one eye." At this point, I actually think the list would be pretty comprehensive, including most of the people in my life. There are more profound insights to be gleaned from the film, but the "one eye" litmus test is something I keep returning to.

I think that's where we want to be - surrounded by the "one eye" peeps - and while other people may be in your life for one reason or another that don't make this list, and of course, these people may need to stay in your life for political or personal/familial reasons, but how can they truly be someone you call a friend, someone you trust with your heart?

To the friends I share this blog with, and to those who I trust to read this blog, thanks for being my "one eye" people. Trust that I would be there if you were "one eye" too.

You get what you get and sometimes that's a good thing

View from our upstairs window tonight. 

Something has shifted in me lately and I'm so glad. I was anguishing for the past months, feeling doubtful about my future and about how I got to where I am now. Judging myself for not having an advance degree, feeling fearful about how to have a second pregnancy in light of money concerns and being in a new job. I have been sad when I drop off my son, feeling like I'm doing him an injustice shuttling him to someone else everyday. I've been short with and tough on my husband blaming him for some of our current circumstances.

I think all the inner turmoil peaked when I got the dreaded call from my Dr. that a mammogram, my first, raised some doubts and I needed to go back for a second look. I realize now in retrospect I really don't have the capacity to deal with this kind of news. I shoved it down and didn't actually acknowledge it. I just wanted to get the second views taken and move past this. All my fears about dying young, leaving my son behind, not doing all I want to do, etc. came to the surface but instead of seeking comfort I simply froze my heart and pushed through it. This was tough for me but probably 10x's harder for my husband. I was unreachable.

I am fine. The second scans came back and I got the all clear. They even send a letter in the mail to say, all clear. A very nice touch. 

Shortly thereafter lots of other clouds passed: we paid off our last debt - a remnant of our move to ME and our tendency to say, "we need it" even when we really don't. I have had a couple of proud work moments from standing my ground in challenging confrontations.  I've found there are real joys there and am working on some exciting projects. Ultimately, there may be regrets I'll have with my son for not being home with him everyday, but for now I have to believe we're both going to be okay. 

Anyway, the point of this post is you get what you get and sometimes that's a good thing. To demonstrate - this summer we're getting a weekly portion of food from an amazing CSA out in Scarborough. We got a few greens and a few of this-and-that's this week. Upon first glance nothing too sexy or inticing. But, after following the recipe on The Broadturn Farm blog, I discovered the most wonderful pasta meal we've had in ages. Fresh, delicious and a little unexpected. 

Giving Thanks Daily

A great way to connect with your kids &/or significant other every day: mark the start of dinner with a moment where you all hold hands and express what you are thankful for. 

It's a pretty delightful thing to hear what comes out of my little toddler every night. Typically he's thankful for some form of transportation. 

We've had:

 

- Trucks (the all encompassing category, followed by the question, "Are you thankful for trucks?") This single thing has been on the thankful list for a good 6 months running.

 

More specifically, we've had:  

- Moving Trucks

- Airplanes

- Airplanes that carry moving trucks

Also mentioned with some degree of frequency:

- Generators

- Grandma and Grandpa

- The sun

- and my favorite "you" (directed at me and his dad)

Anyway, this tradition is borne out of my upbringing where we prayed every night - a rote, Catholic chant that we tore through as quickly as possible just to get to the part where my mom would say, "Anyone want to say anything?", which was our open invitation to beg God for something we needed, i.e. my sister to stop touching me or bugging me or telling me what to do.

Now that giving thanks is part of our daily life, it's a really lovely pause in our day. Many, many times it has been the stopping point where I collect my breath, my thoughts and my always forward moving energy to just realize how much I actually have already.

Hot Seat

This week we had some 80 degree days and then some almost snow days (life in New Mexico is bizarre) but the 80 degree days brought up the issue of hot cars and hotter car seats. My daughter's car seat was so hot to the touch, I couldn't put her in it after exiting the grocery store. Then I had an "aha" moment...I took a tub of ice cream and rubbed it all over her seat and voila, no burning bum for my little one.

Going from home out, use anything you can find in the freezer - frozen peas, whatever. I like using one of those cooler blocks of ice, or a gel-pack for injuries, and keeping it in the car in a cooler or cooler bag so you can use it before and after outings.

Don't drink at auctions

Last night we went to an auction.

Had a glass of wine - no bids.

Had a beer. Encouraged husband to bid on a surfboard and wetsuit package. (Silent Auction) We won.

Had another beer. Live auction begins. High bid item of the night. A power blue Vespa. Bidding begins. A little slow. My hand goes up on second price called out. (I figured I could get some action going in the room.) A minute later. I own a Vespa.

Not priceless.

Now I'm looking for a buyer. 

Nothing much beats sleep

I could post a long blog post or go to bed. If I knew anything about Good Advice, I'd have to say, honey, go to bed.

I just want to say, Obama/Edwards looks like a great idea. I loved the way they complimented Hillary. I thought it was bold for John Edwards to say Hillary is where she is on her own merits and not because of who she's married to. This is a nice, if probably untrue, thing to say. It still is nice. If it's not because of her husband, then okay but then it's because she's playing on racism and that's not much better. But I digress and I meant to be light and positive.

I'm tired because I traveled down and back to Newark yesterday. Nervous I'd miss the 4 am wake up, I woke up at every hour leading up to 4 am. Then I got home last night and couldn't really wind down to go to bed early. And again tonight, same story - not the Newark part but the winding down part. Had to finish a favor for a friend so I've been sucked into my computer and away from my millions of tiny little threads counted by small people in Indonesia for my pleasure. So, to bed I will go.

I'm liking the website www.dooce.com btw and think she's not getting a fair shake on the TV. What else is new? I'm also wondering if there's a space anywhere online where someone's not selling something - including themselves. Why is everyone wanting to get something from someone else. Is this a uniquely American phenomenon? Do you even know what I'm talking about? I must be rambling. Last night I was talking in my sleep about twittering. I guess that's when you know it's bad.

Don't want keyboard face.











xo my friends. xo.

Sex Talk!

A friend of mine who is a pediatrician recently posted this column on how/when to talk to your kids about sex. I found her advice very helpful and terrifically succinct. Here's the link, if interested:
http://www.brandywinebuzz.com/newsletters/dr-amy050408.html

This came, strangely enough, the night after my son found the head of his penis upon the water draining in the bathtub. As he has a bit of foreskin coverage, this was a foreign thing to him and due to its red nature he thought he was hurt. He called out "Mommy - penis hurt" and he was genuinely scared. The conversation that ensued involved foreskin, penis heads and pee pee... which I thought made for a rather edgy chat with my two year old!

Your World is Your Mirror

Even if your world might include friends thousands of miles away. And if it's any indication of how right on the two previous posts were in summing up the general consensus, it takes me so much time in between posts that I forget my username & password pretty much every time I go to post.

As we speak, my husband keeps asking me questions as I try to type, my 21 year old has MOMENTARILY stopped calling my name - we are struggling with a new round of separation anxiety since I went from two 6 hour days out of the home to do errands & tend to my (lack of) business, to three to four 8 hour days away and the start of daycare - and yes, life is in flux.

Sometimes "enjoying the present", despite my best efforts and earnest last post, seems like a luxury outside of the realities of day to day existence and working for a paycheck. But that's where carving out the time for yoga steps in - and padding my work days for "me time", both of which are my advice for today of leading a satisfying life when balancing work and family and self. Advice I am working hard to follow! Then of course, the guilt steps in when I think I could have spent that "me time" with my toddler, who I am missing. And who is obviously missing me. Ugh.

But I still think it's better than feeling completely like the life effort is all output, no input.

Missing you friends, feeling the relief of those who GET IT, and looking forward to the next time we are all together.

And PS - credit goes to Moonmama, c.1997-ish, for the "World is Your Mirror" title here.

Well, you said it...

Adrift is an appropriate word among the well of adjectives I could use to describe how I'm feeling these days. For those of you not intimate with this foursome, I'm one of the pregnant ones referred to below. This time of life, not necessarily the age, but the "having babies" and "making career choices" time is quite a mystifying one.

Things were pretty simple in my twenties and early thirties when I was full of ambition, adventure and freedom. I currently have a watered down version of the first, ambition, which waxes and wanes with the moon. This has alot to do with my 2 year old whom I cherish with all of my being and the fact that I know my days are numbered with this little guy. If he's anything like me - he'll hit 12 and bye bye to Mama. But how to quash the middle of the night thoughts of getting back into a power position - one that provides all kinds of reward through accomplishment and payout? I'm doing what I can to scale things with a part time job but its nevertheless an emotional tug of war.

Adventure - might as well ditch that one along with Freedom. In fact, you can't have adventure without qualities 1 and 3. Not excersizing ambition = no money, 1.5 children = no freedom. Without these two things there is little possibility for adventure. Still, I dream of the "year" we'll be able to take the tykes to Europe or somewhere outside of the country. There's just so much to see and do.

Feeling adrift can be quite unsettling for those of us Capricorns and the like who live and breath by "order" and "planning". There is nothing orderly or planned about my life at the moment. Let's see, we're having a baby in 7 weeks and are overwhelmed by thoughts of what kind of change that will bring to our lives. Add to that - we don't even know the gender! Yes, yes, by our choice, but I can't ignore the seepage of anxiety this little unknown is responsible for. Our living situation is totally up in the air as our rent which is under "favorable terms" terminates in December and we are no closer to finding a permanent abode than 6 months ago. Oh and yes, the finances - without going too far into this I'll just say that we manage fine at the moment but what kind of havoc does baby #2 wreak on that scenario. Many people say that its common to spend a couple of years in the red with a new family, but again, the Capricorn in me will have a very hard time with that. How does one spend 24 months dipping into savings just to pay the monthly expenses???? This literally blows my mind!

Which brings up inflation and the stagnation of real wage increases. How can us middle classers (whose aspirations of "upper classness" have been smooshed since leaving corporate jobs, moving to smaller cities and having babies) survive when real wages haven't increased in a decade but the cost of everything else continues to go up? I went to Whole Foods last night - because they have the best produce and organic choices around - and my bill was at least 30% more than the average of this past year. Doesn't it seem ironic that those of us who are more "green" and "support your local farmer" concious aren't the ones with the most disposable income? Because of course being green and supporting your local farmer are far more expensive than buying food products produced by Monsanto.

A quick review of the above text indicates a much needed "vent" session, which would be done in person if I lived a bit closer to my best pals. At any rate, I apologize for this. The answer to minimizing the "adriftness", of course and which was so aptly put in Yogamama's April 8th posting, is to look at your life and find the wonder and beauty in it. Of which there truly is so much. It goes without saying that life shouldnt be about material, money and ambition, but about family, laughs and friends. There are many days that my focus is squarely on the latter and I feel JUBILIANT. Today, obviously ISNT one of those days.

There is still time, however, and I'm beginning to feel better already. Thank you for that.

Not knowing what's going to happen

I think the pause in the blog is indicative of something. Two of the bloggers are pregnant and two of us are not (as far as I know). For the two who are, not only are they pregnant, they have existing children to care for, marriages to maintain, houses to run and jobs to do. Maybe in that order? For the two of us that aren't pregnant, thinking about when to get pregnant, what to do for work, how to plan it properly by money considerations, travel, work, etc. it's all very mind boggling yet so big it's actually out of our control.

This blog is a public thing and probably too open of a forum to talk about these issues here in any great detail. Our colleagues, friends and strangers read it and take away some sort of perception about who we are or what we mean. I for one know that most of what I've been thinking about lately has not exactly been good advice - how can I give any when I feel rather adrift?

Anyway, just wanted to check in. Register that life is in flux and it's as it should be. this is right for our age but bad for the blog. If any bright good-advice ideas come to me, i will be sure to post.

A couple things for those who work and produce documents: don't email a document that's not formatted to print. always number your slides in powerpoint. be sure your font is consistent through out your whole document and save each version of your excel docs with a date or version number so you can keep track.

separately, right now my favorite obsession is to do haiku on twitter, but that's so obscure and techie, I can't see many of my mom friends getting what I'm talking about. my advice would be to join in and see what's going on on twitter. I suppose I like it because it seems like a ticker of the collective unconscious, but maybe it's all just crap. Follow me: www.twitter.com/emilybee

I have the privilege of working with a guy who (though pretty young) is quite clever and very wise.

As a tribute to his "mad" life skills and quick wit, I feel compelled to share some of his wisdom (his good advice) here on the blog.





Carter Thomas, b. 1983


Top 10 Lessons I've learned from Carter Thomas:

10 - No pun is too corny when writing a beer column.
Describing an expensive beer, "price may be hard to swallow" or blonde ales, "Rumor is true, blonde ales have more fun" - these beer articles are worth reading just to see how over the top he can go.

9 - The phrase "sick" can actually be used in complete seriousness to describe something one thinks is really great.
In context: "The big spike in the sales results we saw yesterday was sick!"

8 - When engaging in a bet, the exact meaning of the word "snow" is open for interpretation.
Just because the air outside is filled with white colored precipitation, it may not actually qualify as "snowing". There's the does-it-stick factor, the density of snowflakes in the air - many possible important variations.

7 - Facebook only has a two year cool period from initiation point, after that it's out.

6 - 80's music is cool and ironic in the way disco was for my age group.
Today it was "Gloria, I think I got your number." Tomorrow, "Mr. Roboto"?

5 - When the world's gotten on your last nerve, go throw rocks at the ocean.

4 - With respect to work bribes, nothing much tops a free sandwich.

3 - With respect to working out, nothing even comes close to trumping a push-up.

2 - Most things in life can be turned into an over/under bet.

1 - Top ten lists are sick.

Life

Choose Life
only that and always,
and at whatever risk.
To let life leak out, to let it wear away by
the mere passage of time, to withhold
giving it and spreading it
is to choose
nothing.
-Sister Helen Kelley

I wrestled with whether or not to go to yoga class this morning, given my work load, then decided I would do a short home practice as a compromise. Did a half-hour sequence, got showered & dressed prior to the time class would have been done and felt good about the choice and balanced as I started the day. Then I opened our local paper. A former colleague's 16 year old son was in a car accident on his way to a soccer game. The paper described my friend clutching her son's phone and the text messages streaming in, which she will not read, as she says they now belong to him. I sat down at my computer, and received the above quote in a weekly newsletter I receive from our local zen center.

Do I have advice today? Not sure. But I took the above as a message from my deceased father, who always stated a condensed version, which is "Life is for the living."

I include the yoga practice as part of this post because it is something I found a commitment to while I was out of work, and now that I am working again, feels threatened. I work from home and I only get paid for the hours I spend literally working. But it has become something that represents a true part of life to me - and something that shouldn't be shoved aside. I will write more on this subject another day, but the kernel of a point I am trying to make is to not shove aside our personal truths, to not give up on the things that we love, however impractical they may seem.

My advice, then, I suppose, is something that keeps coming back to me again and again in the two years since my father died. Be present. Do what you love. Be TRULY present with everyone you love. Don't wait to say the things you need to say - and to do the things you need to do. It's over in a flash - and this is both the most incredibly freeing and simultaneously terrifying truth there is.

For a mom fix

My sister sent me this link today to Postcards from Yo Momma. it was featured on the very clever Very Short List, website today.

I found myself laughing out loud to some of the posts on there and the hilarious things that moms say to their grown children. It's been a long time since I got a note from my mom, but this little site reminds me how funny and precious moms can be.

Keeping good baby records

True confession is I've not written word one in my son's baby book. I have a cute one, baby book that is. it is on a shelf with stacks of mementos I'm meaning to paste into the book. this is not unlike my honeymoon book that is packed in a box with photos and all kinds of crafty things to be pasted in someday when I take a month long vacation and don't leave home and have paid help around. ahem, like, never.

So, a scrapbooker I am not but I am a damn fast typer. So, here's the good advice of the day - and something I actually do - not just preaching here, friends.

Get your child his/her own email address. Advantages:
a) get a good email name before the next kid with your kid's name snatches it up
b) you can charm grandma and grandpa with emails from your kid to them. even though everyone knows you beloved child can't type or spell yet, it warms their hearts to see their grandchild's name in their "from" list
c) you can freak your husband/baby-daddy out when you send him an email from your child's email address. (note: key to the surprise, don't tell him you're setting up the email address.)
c) as you think of things you'd want to tell him someday, you can just send an email to him and it will be there someday when he can actually read. it will already be chronological and it will capture the tone of how you actually would tell the story.

Caveat - occasionally you will have to do some maintenance on the inbox to purge the pervy spam mail you won't want her to see

Thinking of traveling with a toddler without your partner?

My advice is – don’t do it! Ok, my current situation has the added dimensions of my being 6 months pregnant and my toddler having just hit the psychological stage requiring him to say no to everything asked. I must admit that these two things greatly influence my recommendation above. And it is a hard recommendation, indeed, as I take pride in my independence and adventure and do not like the idea of my being homebound unless another adult assists with travel. In fact, my son and I have traveled multiple times by car and plane without the assistance of “daddy” and up to this stage its been fairly well managed.

So, the three of us get to the airport one bright shiny morning to find very long lines for check in. My son is not too keen on staying in his stroller as that is what we would like him to do, so A (my husband) decides to wait with us until we pass through security. We endure the lines of both check-in and security which requires one to keep line placement and the other to run after the toddler. Once arriving at the place where non-travelers are no longer welcomed, my husband and I switch baggage, i.e. things in my hand for wiggly toddler in his and say goodbye. Despite the long wait, things are going well until I need to put all of my items, many as they are, into the bins for x-ray. This requires getting my son out of the stroller and convincing him to take off his shoes. He is not happy about removing his shoes and proceeds to fight me on it while impatient on-lookers behind me await my success. At this very moment, amid the struggle and our personal items making their way to the x-ray machine, I realize that I’m missing my very essential bag – you know, the one with our TICKETS, my wallet and the all-important travel toys!! During the hand-off, “A” must have taken it. Sweat breaks out, panic takes hold and a quick mental deduction tells me that we will in fact be missing our plane scheduled to depart in 45 minutes. The two sympathetic men behind me (obviously fathers) calmly instruct me to leave the stroller by the wall and “RUN” to find my husband. I swoop up my son (who is ornery and crying at this point because he doesn’t want to take off his shoes) and bolt down the narrow terminal hallway cramped with security line passengers. Thankfully within seconds I see my husband running with lightening speed towards me. I grab the bag, a quick reassuring hug, a laugh and turn with everything in arms, including my son for security. We make it through and to our gate in time and I am relieved but very tired and a bit rattled.

We wanted to watch the planes take off for as long as possible and so decide to board last. Once on board, I realize one of our seats is filled. I let the attendant know this and within moments I hear over the intercom that the plane is overbooked and would anyone like to step off for a free plane ticket. Meanwhile, I stand next to the bathroom monitoring “the boy” as he runs up the aisles, deciding whether to laugh or cry. Of course by this time I think my husband is long gone in the car. I decide to laugh at the comedy of it all and luckily a nice man gets up and we are saved.

After some rearranging we take our seats and I am so relieved to sit down as both the weight of my son and my “in utero” 25 week old have taken their toll. All I want is a warm cup of coffee – but there is MUCH to do before that big payoff. We need to get ample toys out, have a chat about seatbelts and why one needs to stay in their seat for take-off, change a diaper in an airplane bathroom (toddler standing on toilet technique) and relieve myself while my son jumps around the 1 x 2 ft space in front of the toilet.

The coffee arrives and I am in heaven. It even tastes good – a benefit I was willing to forego. My son is happily playing with his cars in his window seat. I’ve got him boxed in, of course, in an effort to minimize the bother to the UPenn, extremely hungover, college student directly to my right. Ahhhhh the coffee is good and I am happy. But OH – all of the sudden my son has some sort of hormone surge and needs a hug immediately! He jumps up and leaps towards me screaming “hug, hug, hug”… I grab him as to comfort and his left foot comes swinging around, hits the coffee cup and the content flies all over my right arm and yes, you guessed it – the sleeping college student. Not good.

Now I could go on for a while but these are the funnier, in retrospect, events of our flight down to see Grandma. I’m not really recommending that you not travel with your two year old but I am saying that it’ll help to be psychologically prepared for the event. In the end it was truly worth it and a great time on the beach with family…...

The Granola Recipe

Emily’s Baked Granola
Modified from The Kripalu Cookbook

6 cups rolled oats
1 ½ cups pumpkin seeds
1 cup flax seeds
1 ½ sunflower seeds
1 cup sesame seeds
1 cup pecans, chopped
1 cup walnuts, chopped
2 cups blanched almonds, chopped or in slivers
2 cups shredded coconut

½ cup barley malt
¼ cup honey
1/3 cup canola oil
1 ¼ cup maple syrup
2 tablespoon pure vanilla extract
A little cinnamon
A little salt

Chopped dates
Raisins or currents

Preheat oven to 375 degrees F. In a large bowl, combine all the dry ingredients. In a separate bowl combine all the wet ingredients. Add the wet mixture to the dry and combine well.

Spread the mixture into a large baking sheet with tall sides and bake for up to 50 mins. Check the mixture every 20 mins and rotate the mixture in the pan so the bottom doesn’t over brown. When mixture is lightly browned, remove from oven. Let cool for 30 mins. Granola will harden and darken as it cools.

Mix in the raisins and dates and serve immediately or store in airtight, sealable container after it’s cooled completely.

Best of the Web - 2007

To keep you hip to what's cool on the internet, here are a few great summary pages.

Best of YouTube 2007
I could watch the tetris one over and over. Don't quite get the chocolate rain one but it kicked off a phenomenon, so you have to watch it at least once.

As an aside, I wish this video ranked up there:


South by Southwest 2007 Website winners These are great sites. These are the change-makers.

Webby Awards 2007 More conventional, better known. Some of the "bests" are debatable.

Eight Annual Weblog Awards This is the most relevant award list for us authors of this blog to read. There are amazing blogs recognized - great for browsing, discovering new sites, interesting activity going on on the web.

What are your favorites? Let's discuss.

p.s. This blog didn't rank in any "best of's" but it's pretty darn clever and so close to home it hurts.

Inspirational Quotes re. Persistance

“It always seems impossible until its done.”

Nelson Mandela

"Never allow a person to tell you no who doesn't have the power to say yes.”
Eleanor Roosevelt

"Hey, you never know."
New York Lotto slogan

Banter and blog posts

Has been a poor showing from me on the blog lately. Blame it on the stars, the endocrine system, the time change. Hard to say why the pause from posting much, but my once fool-proof method of thinking, "what did I do today that went well...blog about it" has failed me of late.


Actually, it's mostly because my good advice lately has to do primarily to do with work, getting to work or feeding myself at work. Since my fellow blog-girls don't work in an office, it's feel somewhat useless in this space. But, I'm wondering, is the not blogging about the pointless work-efficiencies holding up the better more useful flow?

Anyway, here's my dumb good advice du jour:

- keep granola and yogurt at work in the work fridge. you'll never regret it and will start everyday well balanced. I will post the granola recipe later from the downstairs computer.

- have a folder on the toolbar of your internet browser called "everyday". put your sites in there you like to visit to start the day. keep an eye on the clock and stay within a reasonable time period (like 15 mins). good way to warm up the brain and something do to while eating granola. I typically check my email accounts, facebook, nytimes, wsj and my horoscope. on a slow day I'll also check in with Perez.

- make a little extra dinner in the evening and then take it to work the next day (this is probably something you're already doing if you like to pack your lunch, I know. Just trying to slay the demons)

- read perez at lunch. do it on the sly. somehow gossip's better when you're sneaking around.

- IM with the hubby, very briefly everyday. better than a phone call and good way to get essential information to one another, i.e. "need milk on way home." "okay". also pretty fun to do on the sly.

- keep a stocked diaper bag in the car at all times. gives you the freedom to change plans on the fly and keeps your child tended to. keep an extra set of clothes for him/her in there, too. where I live, the beach is luckily almost never out of the question.

that's all I have today. hope it helps someone somewhere and if nothing else opens up something better tomorrow.

If you are the Gov. known for ethics

Get your booty calls at home.

Random things that are probably obvious to everyone but me

* Frozen chicken breasts should always be kept on hand for those dinners you forget to plan

* LL Bean tote bags are fantastic after you've washed and dried them in the dryer

* Yogurt squeezers are really great frozen

* To get a disagreeable toddler to cooperate, singing the same song to them when doing the disagreeable act (changing the diaper, picking up crayons-toys-spilled green beans) is a pavlovian wonder spell

Finding Om in the Brillo Box

I skipped yoga this morning based on the thin excuse that there was too much snow for me to drive. Since I live in Maine and we've had about 30 feet of snow this season already, this is especially weak, but my husband was being sweet and it was my son's first day of swim lessons - how could I abandon them for a sweaty mat and some hip opening contortions?

So, instead, I made them omelets. Recently I read this article in Gourmet about one man's obsessive crusade to make the perfect omelet. I had never thought much about how to make an omelet but now I view it as a work of great art. My first, by the way was a dud, but the second one was much improved.

The real highlight of breakfast wasn't the omelet. It was the cleaning of the omelet pan. Not the inside - that part is Teflon and cleans in a snap. It was scrubbing the bottom. I'm not quite sure how this particular pan had gotten so nasty but it was dark and various shades of dark brown to black. I went in with a vengeance with my new-found-love the Brillo Pad. My mom used to always have some on hand and I remember the joy of getting hard to clean pots clean. This past thanksgiving my sibs and I stayed in the home of a fellow clean freak and discovered her stash of the Brillo. Oh, the joy! I forgot about this ingenious cleaning tool for I had been toiling away with the green scrubby for most of my adult life. I spent a good fifteen minutes putting serious arm muscle into the job, mindful to keep my shoulders relaxed, my hips aligned and my jaw relaxed. I went in circles this way and that and in this cleaning trance, the shiny, gleaming lovely All-clad omelet pan revealed itself to me. I saw my reflection in the bottom and as it happened, Krishna Das was chanting from the stereo. I had found my yoga moment after all.

HOLLAH for Crayola!

Ok, so I realize that's kind of like saying "Give it up for KLEENEX" in the world of mom-dom...I mean, duh, yeah, Crayola is great. We grew up with it, they've evolved with the times and make great washable art supplies of all manner and kind. But specifically, I love, love, love their Color Wonder line for the budding toddler artiste.

This stuff is a mess-free world of fun. They make markers, finger paints, and regular paints that ONLY work on Color Wonder paper. It is BRILLIANT.

We took the Color Wonder markers & coloring books on vacation and it bought us, say, 15 minutes on the airplane, and there were no stray marks on the seats, or us for that matter.

And at home, we can tape the paper down on the floor - it comes in large 20 x 30-ish sheets - and the paint tubes ONLY work on the paper. I am telling you, hours of fun. This stuff is great. And non-toxic.

So until your wee one understands that paint goes only on paper, and is not a great substitute for lipstick and eyeshadow, this stuff is the bomb-biddles.

Aggregating Retirement Accounts

If you are a woman who joined the motherhood clan later in life like I did, you are likely to have had jobs or a career that included the gathering of multiple 401Ks and IRAs. Do you now find yourself with retirement accounts strewn across several large and fairly meaningless (at least to you) brokerage firms?

While the thought of organizing this seemingly untouchable group of accounts can be overwhelming, indeed to the point of putting it off for so many years that you’ve lost passwords and all knowledge of what is rightfully yours, I promise that taking the time to get them all under one roof and taking control of them will go miles in maintaining your sanity.

Upon my leaving the corporate world due to baby #1 and my husband’s last job change, I realized we were sitting on 6 different and totally unassociated retirement accounts (both 401Ks and IRAs). This drove me a bit crazy as I felt I had no control over the situation much less a comfort level that this money was working as hard as it can for us.

I did a lot of research and am happy to report that there are IRA’s out there that are called “age-based” retirement accounts. The fundamental principle is that the farther away from retirement you are, the more risky your positions in the account are, i.e. more risk = greater return. As you get closer to retirement, the mix of the account changes to less and less risky positions. So if you are in your 30s, the majority of your mix will be in equities while a smaller portion will be in safer instruments like bonds and index funds. As you approach your 60’s – the mix gradually becomes the inverse as you will need to start using that money in the shorter term. Two companies, Vanguard and T.Rowe Price offer these “age based” funds and they have been heralded often in a most positive way.

So, if you can stomach the bureaucratic process of calling the companies where you and your husband no longer work and filling out the paperwork (which is minimal, I might add, it just requires some following up), I would highly recommend aggregating your retirement holdings. Each age based fund invests your money across an array of funds, everything from international to large cap, mid cap and small cap, so you are secure in the diversity it offers. In fact, both Vanguard and T.Rowe Price have such a rich and wide reaching mutual fund offering, short of Fidelity it would be hard to find a company that can match the kind of diversity they offer. Not to mention, they take care of adjusting the risk “mix” as you approach retirement. It’s fabulous!!!
Good luck.

Useful sites for our lives

Babble.
A site for parents from the guy who did Nerve. I did the RSS feed on the Strollerderby page. Now I get feeds in my outlook regularly updated. Keeps me up to speed with the hipster parent dialog. Which means I get to vacillate between guilt, indignation, self satisfaction and nervousness with the mass of other gen-X parents raising kids these days. (Am I gen-X? What exactly are the qualifiers?)

My Del.icio.us Bookmarks.
Delicious is a social bookmarking site. It's useful as a place to find information that's been found by people before you. It's a way to search the web in a more narrow way. People tag sites they find useful to Delicious. The aggregate power of the social network raises the status of certain pages above others. It's sometimes a better resource for finding detailed information that might not make it to the top of a search on google due to newness or being in a crowded, broad category.

If you use Delicious and want to save articles for me to see, when you tag your links, set a tag that says "for:emilybigpicture" and I can see what you've thought I might like.

Captioner
Take pictures of other people and write captions on them. Fun and funny.

Astro

Enter your date and time of birth and get an incredibly accurate daily horoscope.

Real Clear Politics

A one stop shop for the best articles Politics.

Diaper Change Suggestion for the Weary

Changing the stinky diapers of your toddler while grappling with pregnancy nausea is a major challenge. I've actually gotten sick 4 times over the last month while in the midst of a diaper change. My method now is to open the window next to the change table, take a big breath of cold air and get it over with as quickly as possible. Tonight was a tough one. The gag reflex started and I looked around for some relief. I grabbed Burt's Bees Apricot Baby Oil and dabbed it under my nose. Lo and behold it blocked the particularly bad smell from getting to me. No doubt this is going to turn into a daily ritual until I feel 100%. Let's just hope it doesn't make me break out. I'd have to imagine that any natural oil would work -- I'll bet that something minty or citrusy would give you the best result.

When you're craving a sweet but wanting to stay thin (or get thin)

Drink tea.

Sap, Sap, Enough to go Around

Wednesday came as any other Wednesday and I was looking forward to our date night. I was unusually jubilant that day and pinned it on things like a great nights sleep, an overall good morning with “the boy” as we saw some planes and a helicopter on the way to daycare, a light day of work and the snow falling outside my window. It was beautiful, the snow that is, and it enhanced my already good mood. On recent date nights we’ve opted for a movie out but this one we decided to go out to dinner. "A" (referring to my husband) suggested a particularly twinkly French restaurant that sits on a great corner with big glass windows looking out. We had not been before. We arranged to meet after his chiro appointment around 6:15. The babysitter arrived and I slipped out, finding myself alone in the car to play the radio and enjoy the beautiful snow coming down. Jackson Brown was on, you know the song “Doctor my eyes have seen the years and the slow parade of tears…” which I appropriately blasted in order to sing loud and get the full effect. I felt really young, like high school young - it was a great.

Upon parking I got out of my car and saw my date with his funny orange hat walking towards the restaurant. I yelled over, ran up to him and planted a big fat one on him. We were really happy to see each other and I was thinking, this is truly a delightful evening. We sat at what we considered the best table in the place – in the corner of windows - and I decided that tonight might be a great night to have my first glass of wine in 5 months (due to pregnancy). “A” had somewhat of a smirky smile on his face. He reached out of his bag and handed me an envelope. I’m thinking, what’s this? It was a very sparkly card of somewhat Moroccan style with two glasses of champagne. Still no clue (UNBELEIVABLY), I open it to see a lot of writing and the word “Anniversary” dead center. Holy Shamalamadingdong…... It was our anniversary!!! I had no idea and more embarrassingly it had not even crossed my mind….. “A” was most pleased with himself.
There’s no real point or advice to this story other than noting what a wonderful day it was even without the reminder of our anniversary. Next year, I’ll try reeeeaaallll hard to remember.

Eventually we had to talk about skincare

Pretty much any friend I have will read this and wonder what took her so long to get around to skincare advice. Devoted is a mild term for my commitment to the Dermalogica brand.

I will make this quick and simply say I love it: it's clean, pure, smart and it fixes skin problems other brands don't. I will also say it hasn't worked for everyone I've recommended it to, so take my recommendation with a grain of salt. I will also tell you that it's worth getting a facial from a Dermalogica esthetician to figure out which products are right for you.

If you do want to shop for Dermalogica products for less, the best source I've found is Skinwest.com.

My #1 favorite product is the Daily Microfoliant. Works especially well on the chin area (hormonal zone). Use daily in the am.

Baby in the Bathroom

Just an addendum to the "To Buy or Not to Buy" question...

It's funny how one's perspective shifts by geography. If my husband and I were in NYC, or any other major city, in comparison, our current situation would seem like a mansion, which it definitely is not. We live in an open floor plan house, a loft-like setting in Santa Fe's foothills. As such, when our bundle of joy came along, we didn't have a room in which she would have privacy and quiet for naptimes and bedtime...no room, that is, except the bathroom.

We have endured 18 months of snickers and incredulity at the fact that our baby sleeps in the bathroom. We are starting construction to add two rooms to our house, but honestly, we have enjoyed a level of intimacy and comfort that we are a little bit sad to give up.

We met with an architect while I was still pregnant, who was the inspiration for this past year and a half's living conditions. We were in a hurry to get an addition planned and built before the birth. He sketched up some ideas for us as we sat and talked about our lifestyle and needs. And then before he left, he said something that slowed us down, in the best way. He said, "You know, all they know is what they're born into. My daughter lived in a teepee until she was eight. She didn't know any different."

So what's my point? Enough actually can be enough. Um, except for the fact that as I write concrete is being poured outside the door. And I'm not saying a teepee would work for most people outside of our wacky little town. (Or even us, for that matter, although we DO happen to have one. But that's another story.) Just wanted to add my own two cents after reading and sympathizing with my dear friend's post...I think we all have this picture of how it is "supposed to be", based on perhaps how we were raised or how we wished it could have been when we were children. And then, suddenly WHAT IS replaces that nagging SUPPOSED TO BE, and you realize, it's pretty damn good...even if you have to walk up too many flights of stairs while pregnant or pee squatting in the snow because you just can't wait for naptime to be over and your baby sleeps in the bathroom.

But still, fingers crossed for a new place for you before June!

My Child - Your Guinea Pig

A review of suncreens never tested on animals, but my dear, sensitive child's skin. Our pain, your gain.

Last summer we tried 'em all..aveeno baby, california baby, coppertone's waterbaby, mustela...and woe is me, if they didn't all give my child a skin condition resembling severe eczema. I wasn't really sure at first if it was chlorine or sun exposure, (or, eczema) but in the end, the experiment with my child's skin led me to believe that sunscreen was the culprit.

Having just returned from a week on the beach in Mexico with a bottle of Earth's First baby sunscreen, SPF 30 I am happy to report it did the job! Her skin stayed clear AND sunburn free. On the last day, I thought that perhaps her skin had lost its sensitivity to sunscreen in general, and carelessly sprayed some of our friend's Huggie's Little Swimmer's brand, SPF 50, on her sweet little legs. The rash is back, and I feel like a terrible mother.

But, the upside is I can highly recommend Earth's First as the sunscreen for those of you out there struggling to keep your kids covered up AND rash free!

PS: Aquaphor works great on dry, rashy patches of skin, if you are unfortunate enough to have a child with skin like my little lady...

To buy or not to buy?

For those in “expanding family” mode, the looming question of “expanding the home” seems inevitiable. Particularly for those of us who currently live in big cities or have recently moved from big cities (like the authors on this blog) and dwell in adequate spaces but perhaps not quite large enough for the newcomer.

Or is that a state of mind? In fact four people could easily fit (eat, sleep and all that) in our 1,800 square foot, bi-level apartment. In reality, its not even really “4” – but instead two big adults with all the usual space necessities, a small toddler and the smallest person of us all, the imminent infant. As Americans I think we’ve all gone a bit mad in this area. Having the perfect space for each person is a dream, perhaps a goal, but not a necessity.

That said, I do have major challenges with our current abode. It happens to be at the top of a 19th century brownstone, requiring a hefty walk up 3 flights of stairs before reaching the front door. To date, this has not been a problem. One gets accustomed to heaving a 30 lbs., squiggling child up multiple flights of stairs. Groceries can be tricky – but as long as the food requiring refrigeration is taken in during the toddler’s naptime, Daddy can always get the remaining bags as he comes in from work.

My son’s continued weight gain together with my own weight issues (pregnancy) and the physical challenges around that, those stairs are getting steeper and longer by the day. But even worse is the prospect of dragging the infant bucket (with person of course), all the accoutrements AND the toddler up the stairs…..hmmmm, doable? Perhaps if the spindles on the central stairwell weren’t 5 inches in diameter my son could walk up those stairs – damn those architects of the past and their wood carved banisters!!

It’s a shame really. We have a super apartment in a super location. More importantly, I’m still waiting on the real estate market to make it’s final corrections to an expensive urban area that seems to only be growing in popularity. The goal is to move before this baby comes, but we all do what is necessary when circumstances are out of our control. Fingers crossed for the perfect house in the perfect neighborhood at the perfect price - before June!

Children's Art/Books Resource - Eric Carle

Eric Carle, the children's book author, has opened a museum in Mass called The Eric Carle Museum of Picture Book Art. I just found this website and am blown away. Tons of posters to buy, which I may because I have yet to hang a single piece of artwork in my son's room. Bad mom. Very special things on PictureBookArt.org.

Tip for mananging a 2 yr old (Part 2)

Because eventually there is always a point of poetic justice, my day that began so winningly with choices as the ticket to parenting harmony, ended with me tucking my son in bed. While doing so, a crossroads was reached at which point I began to say, "You have a" and to which he immediately said, "No choices mama!".

Real tip for parenting, don't think you ever really know anything... and if you do, certainly keep it off the blog. It may jinx you!

Tip for mananging a 2 yr old

As a rule, I'm not for using this blog to give actual parenting advice. I think every child is different, every family dynamic is specific and family philosophies cover wide ranges. This variation is good and makes the world go round.

That said, there's one bit of advice I feel I can safely give because it's neutral from a philosophical standpoint and from what I've seen effective across most situations. This is the act of choice giving. I'm thinking of this today because it's 7 am right now and I am able to be writing this blog post right now. At 6 am my son was calling my name over and over. I went into his room and said, "it's too early to wake up right now. go back to sleep." I got the predicable response of, "no. i don't want to go back to sleep." So, I said, "you have a choice, you can read books in your crib by yourself or you can go back to sleep. it's too early for you to get up right now." this choice took a few re-statements to become clear but after a minute or so, he laid back down and went back to sleep. (he is waking up now, I hear in the background)

Choice-giving as a method has come to be effective for me because a) I give choices from a neutral place, not stressed or emotional; b) when I give choices, I stated them once or twice and then I say, "this is the last chance with this choice then I'm going to make the choice for you." When we first started using this method, he didn't get that a choice was actually going to be made so the key was to actually make the choice. He wouldn't necessarily like the choice and this meant for the beginning period of choice-giving there were some big tears and protests. My responses would be to reply with a calm, "I know it's hard you didn't get the choice you wanted. When mama gives a choice, you need to make it." After a short period of reinforcing what choice making means, it works for me now, most of the time. (and in parenting, most of the time is a very good thing)

How to attend a caucus

One word, bring a baby or toddler. Okay, so that's more than one word, but in short, if you are carrying someone short, you will get favored in an overcrowded, poorly planned yet generous and kind scene.

Sunday was the caucus here vacationland (Maine). One should think of this affectionate nickname as an only sometimes deserved name. Given the degree we have to beg friends to visit in the winter vs. the flood of visitors in the summer, I think I might campaign for it to be renamed the summer-vacationland. It is indeed not really the year round one - except maybe if you live in Mass but if you live in Mass, your bar is lower anyway...I digress. Point being, it was cold, it was snowy - in a good way. In the big fat flakes way. But the news called it a "snowstorm" I guess it would be a snowstorm if the equivalent weather hit a truly mild state like Maryland, but here, it was nothing but another winter day.

Back to the advice. If you go to an overcrowded caucus (and you should if you have one because what else do you have to do unless you work in a hospital or something?) bring a small child. You will get moved to the front of the line, or you will be justified to push ahead. They get heavy and impatient and that seems to justify pushing past the heavy and impatient adults. May not be totally rational, but go with it.

Get out and vote. Yes we can!

I heart podcasting

These are the Podcasts I keep up to date on my iTunes.
They are all available from the iTunes directory.
To access each site directly, click on the hyperlinks below.

APM: Garrison Keillor's The Writer's Almanac
This podcast is updated everyday. In the first half Garrison Keillor talks about which famous writers are having a birthday today and a little bit about each. In the second half, he reads a poem. The Change, by Tony Hoagland represents exactly the sort of poem that keeps me tuned into this show.


Commonwealth Club Radio Program
Hear in depth discussions with speakers covering a range of timely topics. I’ve found I’ve gotten news from this source that isn’t widely available elsewhere.


NYTimes Front Page
If you only have a few minutes to keep up with the world a day, this is a great way to stay up to date.


Harvard Business Review Ideacast
Forward thinking business ideas. Fresh, innovative and well considered opinions. I’m often left thinking about the topic for well after the initial listen.


KCRW Today's Top Tune
A song a day. This is a great way to have a total change of pace from the rest of the day. Often this is the first thing I turn on when I come home from work. Breaks up the sameness.


Podrunner: Workout Music
Dance tracks for running. Not all are good but when they are good, they’re very good. I can run longer with this music than most anything else.

This American Life
#1 podcast for car trips. Hilarious, touching stories about people being people.


Radio Lab
Fascinating investigations into some of life’s most basic questions. My favorite so far: why we sleep.

YogaDownload.com
Best way to workout in a short window of time or in a hotel room.

Turn off your computer

This may not be something I am able to do in the future, (when my self-employment actually picks up again) and for the good of our blog, I should not really be offering up this advice, but it is an appeal to turn off your computer. At least once a week, if possible, have a computer free day. Better yet, set aside 30 minutes a day where the computer is not an option. Last November, a close relative nearly died from complications from the flu, and it caused what my therapist coined "a flight into health." I was also inspired by a healthy friend whose life seemed so much more manageable and in-balance than mine - even as the full-time breadwinner of her family. I realized I had been living at a frantic pace, with no time for myself, and my body and mind were suffering. As the mother of an 18 month old, time is at a premium. How to make more time? TURN OFF YOUR COMPUTER. Instead of rushing to the computer as soon as naptime hits, sit quietly for at least 5 minutes, listening to your breath. I think you'll be amazed at how quickly your daily 5 minutes turns into 15, and more amazing still, how making some quiet time for yourself rapidly turns into a ritual. You might be even more amazed to see what else opens up in your life for you. For me, this ritual turned into a daily yoga practice and a return to a long lost passion. What could 30 minutes a day NOT spent on the computer do for you?

But then, get back to your computer, because your friends and family are important! But make a little time for you first.

Swim diapers

In case you don't already know, swim diapers should be put on just before going in the water. If you put your child in the swim diaper at home and then in his/her car seat. By the time you get where you're going, chances are, he/she will be soaked. They don't absorb. (Yes. Learned this the hard way.)

Flip side: If you opt to skip the swim diaper and go swimming anyway, your child will have a diaper swollen the size of the floatation devices he/she may have around his/her waist or arms and the walk to the locker room in front of all the parent who know better than you will be at least slightly embarrassing. (Again, learned this the hard way.)

Conclusion - Swim diapers are good to use but only for the prescribed purpose.

The Quickie

It's a cliche that having a child changes one's life but when it happened to me it still felt remarkably unexpected. The gains have outweighed the losses by a thousand but on some days, the things that are gone feel acutely missed.

Of all the things left behind, the most longed for might be the phone calls with my girlfriends and siblings. I miss both the luxuriously long ones and and the brief updates picking up where we left off yesterday.

The solution I'm working on to this issue the quickie phone call. It's a call made in a miraculous slip of free time where I reach a fellow busy friend/sib on the line and we speed chat a rapid download of the most important news. It's not the same as pre-baby but it' keeps the connection open. It's hardly ever balanced between the sides, but it's better than nothing. It happens on morning drop off or rides home from music class. Even the quickie happens almost never - most often I get a voicemail on the other end - but when it does, it is divine.