Hang your Christmas tree lights in October

This morning I started the day at the dentist. 10 minutes late for my cleaning, teeth brushed, no food or coffee in me, I settled into the reclining chair with the bright light in my face. Exchanges between Obama and McCain on replay in my head from the night before as well as the news from NPR sinking in from my drive. The intensity of the world financial situation, like an earthquake in reverse. The boom went off everywhere and now it seems to be circling in, ring-like closer and closer to home.

With this heavy mindset I greeted my hygienist. I never can remember their names but they always greet me like we had lunch together just the other day. In her chipper way Nurse No Name comments of course on the weather and how brisk it is. I replied, "yes, amazing" and then told her that I saw some guy wearing gloves waiting for the bus. I think I logged this detail expressly, yet unconsciously, while driving here just because if adult life has taught me one thing, it's always be ready to talk about the weather.

As an add-on to the weather dialog, Nurse NN volunteers that she really loves this weekend coming up, Columbus Day, because she figured out a few years ago that if she hangs her Christmas lights now and just keeps them off until after Thanksgiving, she saves herself the hassle of wrestling with the lights in sub-zero weather. As she put it, "45 minutes in October is nuthin', but in December, it's a reallybigdeal!"

At that moment, my light bulb, (can't resist) went off and I realized, I have no words of wisdom whatsoever for these incredible times, other than it might be time to hang your lights. You may be needing them soon and it's only getting coldah.

Making space for possiblities

Has been a long time since I last posted. This is not for lack of thinking about it. It has to do with feeling stuck with nothing to say. Haven't felt like I had any worthwhile advice for quite a while.

Until this past weekend. I had time at home with my little guy. Husband was in NY and I had dialed back any plans with friends to just the minimum. We went to a friend's incredible new house in my favorite neighborhood for brunch. I couldn't be happier for her or feel there's a better person to live her life. However, I came home on Sunday and curled up in my bed while my little boy slept. I was crushed, sad and wanting a life other than mine. Her beautiful, spacious house with wallpaper, excessive numbers of bathrooms, double Viking ovens she wasn't quite sure what they were for...

After about 15 mins of not sleeping, not crying, not writing, not talking, just wallowing, I turned to a book I was given I don't even know how long ago nor by whom. I put it on my Amazon Wishlist a long time ago and then neglected it. Let it get dusty with the other great ideas I have scattered about.

The book is called Creating Sacred Space with Fung Shui by Karen Kingston. She talks about the energy of objects, rooms and spaces and how our spaces accumulate residue from the experiences we have within them the way cobwebs build up in corners if you don't clean from time to time.

I looked around my room, my house, the car, the garage and realized I had been neglecting the space I'm in now for as long or longer as I've felt stuck. My office no longer felt welcoming, my pantry was overflowing with stuff, my car was dusty and grimy, my sewing machine in disorder and stacks and stacks of papers.

It was no wonder I was constantly feeling overwhelmed, like there was no time to get to all my ambitions! I was burying myself. I realized if I want to create light and space and freedom in my life, I need to create that in my home. Kingston talks about the external home being a direct reflection of the internal life. WELL YES! HELLO!


Needless to say, the house is in major overhaul. My office is much cleaner, tidy-er and feels like a space where I can actually realize my aspirations. I have cracked open the wedding box from the garage, only 6 years later, to weed out documents that no longer need storage and pictures that finally can be put in books. I can honor my marriage, not neglect it on a shelf for a later date. And so it is going and it is ENERGIZING and fun and I have shaken my envy of my lucky friend. She has her space and I have mine and I love both.

Feeling at home, at home

When we left NY for our new city almost two years ago, I knew it would take some time to meet people and feel belonging in a new place. I remember discussions with my husband about how long that might take - my bet was 2 years, his was 6 months. Unfortunately I was right - but I'm glad to report that we've made it.

The activities of last weekend aptly demonstrate this. Friday night we went out to dinner and ate at a familiar restaurant with outside seating. We ran into a couple with a baby we had seen at the same place the previous Friday night and exchanged pleasantries. Saturday morning we went for pancakes at our favorite cafe run by a lovely couple from Ethiopia. We enter and our son runs to hug the open-armed owner - the wife of the couple. We decide to eat outside at the sidewalk tables, park our stroller with infant and proceed to order our usual - of which the husband of the couple, Soloman, is already mentally taking down. My son associates pancakes so much with this man, that he thinks the chef in the blueberry pancake story of Curious George is him. As we are enjoying our meal, a couple we know is walking by on their way to another eaterie. They are with their 2.5 year old and parents. We have a nice chat over coffee and sunshine.

Later we head to the playground. Its a beautiful afternoon with a sun lower in the sky and the feeling of Fall coming. We run into another couple we know (and really like) and spend the next hour or so mingling and watching our kids play (they have twin girls our son's age). We've been wanting to get together with these folks for dinner for a while but with end of pregnancy and birth of new child - social engagements have been on the back burner. So we are delighted when the wife asks if we want to come over for dinner chez eux. We accept, exchange information and start a leisurly stroll home, chatting as we went and enjoying the historic backdrop of old, brick sidewalks and federal period row homes.

We say goodbye on a corner which is crowded with restaurant life - tables are bustling outside and the weather is perfect - its Saturday night. And even though we are jealous of the young and hip who are drinking martinis at those tables we are feeling quite pleased with our weekend so far.

Sunday we go to church. After the service we stay for the coffee hour and chat with the many people we have gotten to know there. Sounds cheesy but we've gained a real sense of community from this place. It helps that it is a particularly liberal Episcopal church which employs a talented and very witty Brittish rector. The new assistant rector is a young and smart woman who happens to be a lesbian and in a couple relationtionship that she wrote about in her first letter to the congregation. So - a very open and interesting environment - one that we fit well in. We then see a couple that we've had dinner with on a few occasions. We met them at a screening and discussion session for "An Inconvenient Truth" that the wife put on last year.

To round out a great weekend, one that exceeded our expectations as we have a 2 month old, we made our weekly trip to the Farmers Market at Headhouse Square - a market location since the late 1700s and one that's constructed of old red brick and surrounding cobble stone streets.

"A" and I talked about how many people we had run into that we knew over the weekend. That combined with a routine of fun places to walk to and enjoy having spent enough time in a place to know them made for a comfortable feeling. We felt happy with our accomplishment of passing enough time to feel at home in a new home.

Common Sense Advice

Don't take library books on vacation.
Arthur's Tooth now has a new home on Delta airlines.

To the Mundane

Down off my high horse...a regular old mama piece of advice.

Permanent marker can be removed using hairspray. It is actually pretty darn miraculous, if mundane. Spray the stain, let it set (leave on for an hour or so, rinse, repeat if necessary, scrub with an old toothbrush, and also use stain remover.)

I googled and found this gem...and did it and can testify that it works. Hallelujah!

Sanctimonious

That's how I am afraid my last post may have come off. I have been through some really intense life experiences in the last couple of years, and I am afraid in my own attempt to make sense of everything and have the bigger picture not terrify me, I have begun to pollyanna-ify even the worst case scenarios - as in, "even if you or I became one eye, it would all be great because we love each other so damn much and spiritual consciousness will save the day."

I know it would still really, really suck, and I also am aware of the fact that even if we all love each other to the moon and back, we might not be able to deal with the whole "one eye" scenario, having it or witnessing it. I guess I am feeling the need to add a little something to that last post, because it may have come across as incredibly naive, or worse still, as if I am suggesting every friend and family member be able to rise to the occasion of the horror of something happening like locked-in syndrome.

To clarify, what I meant was that I have a deep trust in my loved ones and am taking care to choose people carefully in my life. Using the "one eye" thing as a filter, taking stock in who would or would not still recognize my humanity and be able to show up - at least in letters or phone calls - is simply a good way to weed the friend garden. I used to keep a lot of people around that truly wouldn't pass this test. Having gone through the death of my father and having an aunt go through a serious illness (guillain-barre, temporary but similar to locked-in syndrome, except worse because without any vision) in the last two years has made me re-evaluate my priorities and my relationships. And my expression of gratitude in that last post was more of a statement of appreciation than a declaration of expectation. And I also wanted to make it known that I would show up - even if it would be hard as hell to see anyone I loved in that position.

I hope that erases some of the holier-than-thou aspects of that post. Last thing I want to be is some overly reverent, preachy type. That just ain't me. But it could be if I didn't watch it, or if I didn't have good friends to call me on it!

The Diving Bell & The Butterfly

See it. Miraculous. Consciousness is the human experience, this movie illustrates this so beautifully.

I am a total Hollywood-movie-happy-ending-freak to the point that I irritate my husband endlessly with my recent repulsion to any movie with a dark or disturbing premise...and this one has all the elements that I usually avoid...and yet it was strangely uplifting.

Jean-Dominique Bauby, editor of French Elle, had a stroke at age 42 and ended up with "locked-in syndrome", which means he was rendered completely paralyzed without the ability to speak. He was trapped inside his body. Horrific, I know - but the movie isn't. The movie is seen from his viewpoint, and his imagination and memory drive the story. He wrote his memoirs by blinking his one eye to communicate the different letters of the alphabet to form words.

One thing I've taken away from it is a new filter device - I've been thinking about the people in my life who would be able to be there for me - who WOULD be there for me - if I became "one eye." At this point, I actually think the list would be pretty comprehensive, including most of the people in my life. There are more profound insights to be gleaned from the film, but the "one eye" litmus test is something I keep returning to.

I think that's where we want to be - surrounded by the "one eye" peeps - and while other people may be in your life for one reason or another that don't make this list, and of course, these people may need to stay in your life for political or personal/familial reasons, but how can they truly be someone you call a friend, someone you trust with your heart?

To the friends I share this blog with, and to those who I trust to read this blog, thanks for being my "one eye" people. Trust that I would be there if you were "one eye" too.

You get what you get and sometimes that's a good thing

View from our upstairs window tonight. 

Something has shifted in me lately and I'm so glad. I was anguishing for the past months, feeling doubtful about my future and about how I got to where I am now. Judging myself for not having an advance degree, feeling fearful about how to have a second pregnancy in light of money concerns and being in a new job. I have been sad when I drop off my son, feeling like I'm doing him an injustice shuttling him to someone else everyday. I've been short with and tough on my husband blaming him for some of our current circumstances.

I think all the inner turmoil peaked when I got the dreaded call from my Dr. that a mammogram, my first, raised some doubts and I needed to go back for a second look. I realize now in retrospect I really don't have the capacity to deal with this kind of news. I shoved it down and didn't actually acknowledge it. I just wanted to get the second views taken and move past this. All my fears about dying young, leaving my son behind, not doing all I want to do, etc. came to the surface but instead of seeking comfort I simply froze my heart and pushed through it. This was tough for me but probably 10x's harder for my husband. I was unreachable.

I am fine. The second scans came back and I got the all clear. They even send a letter in the mail to say, all clear. A very nice touch. 

Shortly thereafter lots of other clouds passed: we paid off our last debt - a remnant of our move to ME and our tendency to say, "we need it" even when we really don't. I have had a couple of proud work moments from standing my ground in challenging confrontations.  I've found there are real joys there and am working on some exciting projects. Ultimately, there may be regrets I'll have with my son for not being home with him everyday, but for now I have to believe we're both going to be okay. 

Anyway, the point of this post is you get what you get and sometimes that's a good thing. To demonstrate - this summer we're getting a weekly portion of food from an amazing CSA out in Scarborough. We got a few greens and a few of this-and-that's this week. Upon first glance nothing too sexy or inticing. But, after following the recipe on The Broadturn Farm blog, I discovered the most wonderful pasta meal we've had in ages. Fresh, delicious and a little unexpected. 

Giving Thanks Daily

A great way to connect with your kids &/or significant other every day: mark the start of dinner with a moment where you all hold hands and express what you are thankful for. 

It's a pretty delightful thing to hear what comes out of my little toddler every night. Typically he's thankful for some form of transportation. 

We've had:

 

- Trucks (the all encompassing category, followed by the question, "Are you thankful for trucks?") This single thing has been on the thankful list for a good 6 months running.

 

More specifically, we've had:  

- Moving Trucks

- Airplanes

- Airplanes that carry moving trucks

Also mentioned with some degree of frequency:

- Generators

- Grandma and Grandpa

- The sun

- and my favorite "you" (directed at me and his dad)

Anyway, this tradition is borne out of my upbringing where we prayed every night - a rote, Catholic chant that we tore through as quickly as possible just to get to the part where my mom would say, "Anyone want to say anything?", which was our open invitation to beg God for something we needed, i.e. my sister to stop touching me or bugging me or telling me what to do.

Now that giving thanks is part of our daily life, it's a really lovely pause in our day. Many, many times it has been the stopping point where I collect my breath, my thoughts and my always forward moving energy to just realize how much I actually have already.

Hot Seat

This week we had some 80 degree days and then some almost snow days (life in New Mexico is bizarre) but the 80 degree days brought up the issue of hot cars and hotter car seats. My daughter's car seat was so hot to the touch, I couldn't put her in it after exiting the grocery store. Then I had an "aha" moment...I took a tub of ice cream and rubbed it all over her seat and voila, no burning bum for my little one.

Going from home out, use anything you can find in the freezer - frozen peas, whatever. I like using one of those cooler blocks of ice, or a gel-pack for injuries, and keeping it in the car in a cooler or cooler bag so you can use it before and after outings.

Don't drink at auctions

Last night we went to an auction.

Had a glass of wine - no bids.

Had a beer. Encouraged husband to bid on a surfboard and wetsuit package. (Silent Auction) We won.

Had another beer. Live auction begins. High bid item of the night. A power blue Vespa. Bidding begins. A little slow. My hand goes up on second price called out. (I figured I could get some action going in the room.) A minute later. I own a Vespa.

Not priceless.

Now I'm looking for a buyer. 

Nothing much beats sleep

I could post a long blog post or go to bed. If I knew anything about Good Advice, I'd have to say, honey, go to bed.

I just want to say, Obama/Edwards looks like a great idea. I loved the way they complimented Hillary. I thought it was bold for John Edwards to say Hillary is where she is on her own merits and not because of who she's married to. This is a nice, if probably untrue, thing to say. It still is nice. If it's not because of her husband, then okay but then it's because she's playing on racism and that's not much better. But I digress and I meant to be light and positive.

I'm tired because I traveled down and back to Newark yesterday. Nervous I'd miss the 4 am wake up, I woke up at every hour leading up to 4 am. Then I got home last night and couldn't really wind down to go to bed early. And again tonight, same story - not the Newark part but the winding down part. Had to finish a favor for a friend so I've been sucked into my computer and away from my millions of tiny little threads counted by small people in Indonesia for my pleasure. So, to bed I will go.

I'm liking the website www.dooce.com btw and think she's not getting a fair shake on the TV. What else is new? I'm also wondering if there's a space anywhere online where someone's not selling something - including themselves. Why is everyone wanting to get something from someone else. Is this a uniquely American phenomenon? Do you even know what I'm talking about? I must be rambling. Last night I was talking in my sleep about twittering. I guess that's when you know it's bad.

Don't want keyboard face.











xo my friends. xo.